I go back and forth, between patiently waiting before I offer a promotion or a donation-based [Belief Work] session, before finally just realizing that we all need help, right now. Each day.
For the last ten years, I've known a healer, who is quite honestly the inspiration, catalyst and motivator to me realizing and accepting this journey or calling.
He's helped countless people at my request, thanklessly—most of whom have no conscious recollection of his healing aid (at a distance), because it's simply hard for so many to fathom this phenomenon. I recall him mentioning that we must give our permission to receive help and him telling me how he was able to communicate to a person's subconscious for said permission, before helping them.
This man is infinitely humble and wishes he could spend all of his time, helping others this way. By no means, am I comparing what he does (miraculously), to the work I've set out to do, but nonetheless aim to provide my best to others in what ways I’m able (known and unknown).
For the longest time, I struggled with earning enough, so I could 'help' others, but so often found myself barely making ‘plenty’ to provide for my own means—at least that was the perception.
Over time, I realized there are many ways to help, or serve others—monetary circumstances aside. Little by little, I've begun to carry out simple acts of kindness toward others, in whatever ways I could—unconditionally.
I've finally reached a place in life, where I believe that no matter how much or how little one has, especially in monetary terms, that offering 10% of our energy (monetary or otherwise), unconditionally to others, is typically doable. Rather than wait until I'm finally 'earning' enough, I'd rather start now, on that path toward helping others in whatever ways I can—this work, specifically included.
I'm learning that I can only offer so much time and energy to Belief Work each week, without getting duly exhausted myself. The last thing I wish to do, is burn out or be forced to seek alternate avenues of making a living, at the expense of helping others. Too many times, I've divided my precious energy and resourcefulness, only to fall into the cracks once again—holding myself away from all that I really wished to accomplish in this waking life.
For the past four years, I've gradually made the effort and push to arrive here—following through with pathways, related and unrelated to making this moment in time possible.
I finally decided at one point, that I'd rather be homeless, than turn back to where I'd been so many times before. In early 2015, that became a reality. I pitied myself for awhile, as I struggled to integrate into society once more and seat myself comfortably within, only to be propelled back out again by mid-December after being laid off from work.
Naturally, I gravitated toward finding the next job, that would provide for my means. Finally however, I resorted to trusting, more so really, than ever before, in what Spirit was beckoning me to do: Write.
So I began turning my words outward, for the world to see—exposing my raw nature, while living off of savings and what few worldly possessions remained in my life, that I could sell to get by, in the meantime.
Having no idea where all of this would lead, I eventually decided once again, come March of this year, that I'd rather face the streets than juggle the rat-race one more time, simply to remain a miserable bystander, watching life pass him by.
That reckoning arrived and I moved my belongings to a storage unit, loaded my backpack and went to live in the mountains for two weeks—fasting; a vision quest.
Upon my return to society after this period of quiet awakening, Spirit spoke to me and affirmed, "Just do what you love." It was that simple and there was newborn faith, assurance and recognition therein. Writing became my sole conduit of expression and livelihood more affirmatively, thereafter.
My journey to publish some of my work after three years of failed attempts prior, finally reached its culmination and elephant journal began to accept some of my work. It was important, I felt—deep down, to tell my story. They encouraged me to be personal and specific often, and every time, I felt as though I was throwing away my career and reputation, when a piece would get published—these confessionals. To my dismay, people celebrated what I had to share, which motivated further response—to tell all, like it was; like it is.
There have been countless meals, eaten at the soup kitchen, or provided by a church organization so I could spend the majority of my waking hours, working toward what I truly believe in, am passionate about and wish, dearly to pursue—my heartfelt calling in life.
Somehow, through the ethers and a good friend's support, Belief Work was born, only a couple months ago. Since then, it's taken off swiftly, with sincere support and encouragement to continue offering this service to others—to help, in what ways I've been ushered for so long now, to carry out; with the utmost of humility.
Each day humbles me and I'm quite frequently met with the potential fear that arises in anyone, seeking new avenues of career and making a living—creating a life for themselves, while being of worthwhile service to others at the same time; in some heartfelt and meaningful way.
A grand total of 12 weeks have been spent outdoors this year, living in my tent, so I could accomplish my dream and carry out this mission. I lived on top of a mountain for two months, hiking up near its peak each night and down again every morning, along with two weeks spent here in Colorado—pitching a tent under the cover of darkness, in this urban jungle and waking early, before anyone would notice me, camping along the creek here in the middle of the city.
I even resorted to bathing one day in the creek, which was quite honestly, one of the most refreshing things I've done in a long time. I would make this part of my lifestyle—really.
Needless to say, I feel I've earned to some degree, having arrived here where I’m at in life and more importantly, strive to earn the same each day, no longer fearful of the out of doors, lacking shelter or missing a warm meal. My basic needs have been provided, ceaselessly, so long as I was willing to seek out the creative avenues that Spirit urged me to explore—as an awakening gesture; a realization of how fortunate I truly am and have always been.
My original goal, was to ensure this always remains accessible to others. I know firsthand, how often I could have used outside, holistic support but simply lacked the resources to achieve said opportunities.
This drove me to focus largely, on self-help for the past four years now, with minimal exception. Always, there have been soul mates, i.e. friends, family and loved ones who've all contributed magnificently to helping me out, so I could arrive here today to carry out what I’m doing, with just enough courage to proceed—into the unknown, each waking moment that I’m here.
Nonetheless, I’m tested every day, by Spirit—luring me, daring me to look the other way; but I shall not.
My dreams have even begun to support this work and I’m committed enough, that even tonight, upon my return to a place which has been generously offered to me for a short while, I affirmed to self, a willingness to enter the jungle again, if need be, so that I could remain the course. This is how much conviction I have in this work. I feel destined to proceed and would rather tip over, than turn back at this juncture.
With humble regards, thank you. I appreciate your support. Much love.
Image credit: Teddy Kelley, Unsplash.