Soul-searching love—my quest to find you.



Every day I awaken to the reality that you’re still not here—yet you’re always present in mind.

I now know that indeed, you exist and I’m sure I’ve stolen your glance, just as you’ve stolen mine.

Regardless, here I lay, wondering when we'll ever be lying here together—that final transition, into forever.

It’s in my arms, where I wish for you to be.

The fragrance of your hazel hair and uniquely sensual scent that drew me to you from thousands of miles away.

The winds carried us aloft and set us down, ever so gently many, many times over these long and arduous years, yet neither of us ever landed in the same place together or at least not at the same time.

Years distance us in age, yet I feel like you’re my twin.

Our souls collided so long ago, do you still remember that fated union?

Millenia has passed since, as has the dawning age of many civilizations and departed seas.

We’ve fallen in separation and risen as one.

Time and time again, I reflect on that picture of you etched into my mind and heart—the only thing I have left to remind myself of just how truly remarkable you are.

It’s that inner reflection I crave so deeply—my valiant efforts are to keep that intact.

The first time I stared so deeply into your eyes, I saw it—beyond the shadow of a doubt.

That you’re a starseed, from somewhere else too.

Maybe that’s where we originally met—in some faraway galaxy spiraling outward like our own.

A different sun and many other moons, yet your energy signature—I recognized in just one breath.

Our hearts beat to the same rhythm and we both quake for the other—our desires salivating our yearning to continue exploring, seeking out every cave and meadow, where we once danced in ceremony and to our own matrimony.

Young and old, while the Universe was still young, we choreographed a map of the constellations so we might never lose our way back to one another’s soul—our wayward journey home.

I’ve been your illustrious teacher and you’ve been my steadfast sail and vessel.

In the absence of the other, we’ve treaded water until we could no longer feel our own muscles failing us, now numb yet euphoric—that feeling one experiences right before they pass.

I’ve heard your whispers from great distances while awaiting patiently atop many mountain passes in hopes that the winds would drift your soul’s wandering spirit my way.

The trade winds have spoken.

Time has stood still.

Not that any other would have noticed, but you did—you turned your head and looked right through me; your piercing gaze penetrated my soul.

It only took a moment, one look and I knew, I knew!

Your words, your wisdom—I thirst to lick every drop from your sweat-soaked soul, temptuous mind and shimmering body.

Just hearing your laughter, my knees falter and when I see you smiling—radiating, like you’re still brand new…a tear rises to the surface; filled with the emotional longing of that long ago scribed text when we first carved our love for each other into that age-old granite slab.

Alas, we both know better—not that it’s anyone’s secret.

We’ve both experienced hardship and trial so that we might arrive here now at this place in time where this life’s first meet has finally been forged.

Reckless abandon, shame and guilt plagued our hearts and blinded our spirits.

Every sworn off experience has honed this reunion, birthed from daunting courage, sacrifice and relenting hope.

Had we not faced such diversity, we’d have surely passed one another by.

Because, to me, the only woman worth being with is one who’s survived her trauma and has risen from literal bloodshed.

The turmoil became maddening and the self-worth within sank to the bottom of our seas while we persistently endured each forsaken moment of unimaginable attrition.

Nonetheless, our faithful inner moonlight still shone—casting its shadow unto the tides while we were listlessly pulled closer, then further away and finally closer again before finally shoring.

Thank God we both made it here today because I almost drowned—ever so nearly giving up; giving into my own insanity and unsightly despair.

I’d lost total faith and swam through the darkness of the shadow realm for too long, it now seems—nearly unbearable to even fathom.

Every once in awhile, I could feel your soft, silken and pale skin brush up against my calloused and broken body.

You were always there, in some way, shape or form.

Guiding me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

Resting your bosom against my own.

Sweet, magical, mysterious lover of mine who still eludes me—please know that I’ve not given up, not one breath has been in vain.

Knowing you’re alive and here on this Earth plane too, offers me the assurance to proceed—to see this all through to its bittersweet end.

We may not meet quite soon enough, but I surely hope we will.

My heart aches and pains and might shatter into a thousand pieces but if it does, I’ll toss a few fragments into the winds while standing at the altar of the highest mountain top.

Some will drift beyond the bay and out into the swift ocean currents while they ebb and flow from the swaying moon’s pull.

I’ll bury a part of myself in the damp, pitch soil where I know time will germinate this love before finally escaping the darkness and into the light of day.

Aren’t we so fortunate, to have discovered this kind of true, unbridled love?

I miss you terribly each day and I have no idea where this will all lead but I’m assured that all is never really lost.

Please know this: I’ve waited an eternity for something just like this, knowing that all of creation has its own plan and that we’re intrinsically a part of that equation too.

When you and I are done serving our time as awakening warriors, maybe we can once again stare into one another’s magnificent cobalt-fired and moonlit eyes to remember the Universes we each used to imagine—awakened with our brazen love.

Until then, you’re nearly always in mind and know that you’ll forever harbor safe haven and space within the deepest crevasses of my heart, mind and soul.


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