I’ve learned not to try and figure out your heart.
It runs wild.
And I know that anything wild cannot be tamed.
It cannot be caged.
Your love runs free.
It roams over the lands and drifts over the seas.
I wander, alone.
Sometimes when I am quiet, I can feel our love mingle.
My heart beams.
Thoughts of you arise.
Yet, I know that your journey and mine were only meant to collide briefly.
As hard as it is to accept this, I venture forth.
Into the unknown.
The same kind of unknown that mystifies me whenever I’ve attempted to explore the deepest crevasses of your heart’s chambers.
It terrifies you as much as it terrifies me.
The thought of loving one another so deeply.
Our souls dance while our bodies toil.
Separation creates longing.
Time heals the void—the wound.
The one which has been open all along.
I know what you’ve been through because I can feel it in my own heart.
It pains me.
So I transmute it.
Alas, I was not placed here to get swept away in the throes of romance and love.
I’m only here to generate it, move along and sleep alone each night.
Like a bee, cross-pollinating a flower.
Oh, how I wish it were my hands running through your silken hair.
Tracing your jawline and neck with my fingers.
Staring into your penetrating eyes.
Kissing your soft lips and feeling that surge of energy move through us.
If only I could be caught and held onto for awhile.
Then I might know what it’s like to be in your arms too.
But it was never meant to be, I tell myself time and time again.
My punishment perhaps?
Am I merely holding myself away from love?
It seems you would push me away anyhow.
Confused, I’ll continue wandering.
A lost soul who's meant to be anchored to places for a time before moving on.
Never quite at home or comforted—this soul only knows the language of the heart and so it is taught to others.
A romantic only dreams of that love which is spoken of so often.
A romantic’s fate is to long for love, cultivating the whispers that others will respond to but is careful not to get caught up in the dance itself.
Like a shadow, I recede.
Someday, I’ll reappear somewhere else.
Where I am needed.
Until then, I wander.
My aimless journey led me to you.
I found you and know that you’re real.
When I lay my head down at night, I know you’re real.
This I carry with me.
Your memory shall always remain with me.
The love I felt with you will always be a part of me.
Maybe I’m running or retreating.
It’s what I’ve learned to do.
I’ll leave you now with him and hope that he offers you everything you need.
I’ve learned that a woman needs more than I can understand.
I’ve also learned that I can offer what I do not understand to her without attaching myself.
I’ll surely get burned if I choose to walk with you for too long.
Yes you’ve tempered my spirit and heart.
But you have not caged me.
Only telling me to stay will change my mind.
Telling me nothing tells me it’s time to go.