Every day, I rationalize facing you or rejecting myself by turning away.
I don’t know what this is, but I know it’s soul-deep.
This is not something that can be explained away.
It’s too strong.
There’s something else that exists between us that I simply cannot ignore.
You’re everything I could have ever dreamed of.
It’s like if I truly love something, I should let it go, right?
Well, I truly love writing, I also love writing to you.
Does this mean I should stop writing, because I truly love it too?
I know what you meant when you said that fewer words are sometimes more and how energy speaks…
My epiphany, which is probably your message to me, is to silence my love.
I cannot bombard you with love because I have not yet learned to offer it unconditionally.
Therefore I grieve—denying the loss of what was merely an illusion followed by anger that we cannot be in love, in one another’s arms and bargaining…each day I wake and repeat the grieving process until I am saddened, feeling depressed and can finally accept that I have absolutely no control over this situation and that it’s already perfect as it is.
So my choice is to love you in the silent vault of my innermost connection to spirit, where you and I can mingle.
Note to self: make your peace then let it go.