I know we’re just getting to know one another,
But I don’t want to wait 24 hours or three days before I talk to you after you’ve written me.
It may sound impulsive, obsessive or maybe too much too fast.
But god damnit,
This life is too short and too expansive for people like me who feel so incredibly much.
I want the energy of the moment transfused in my words.
I want my longing for you between the days and sleepless nights to resound in the words I write to you.
I know you feel it when I’ve written my reply from the heart vs. when I am trying to play it cool.
This behavior has sabotaged me in the past,
Because it’s too much for so many.
So many who don’t understand me.
So I write the way I feel because you can handle it,
Even if it’s too much for you.
At the end of the day,
You love that about me.
Even though it drives you crazy,
Because that’s just what love will do.
Knowing that’s exactly what I love about you too.
I appreciate that you’re a part of my life,
And am reminded,
Of so many who’ve lost their loved ones.
Even of recent,
Like this morning.
Someone I know whose sister passed just last night.
Why do we wait so long to love,
And to let others know we love them?
Tell them now,
Right here in this moment…
Because you may not get another.
I’m telling myself this,
Because I take it for granted too.
And no one,
Has ever touched my heart,
The way that you do.
I can’t explain it,
This crazy feeling that haunts my thoughts.
That picture of you,
In my mind’s eye…
Frightening (how much I love you).
Beautiful beyond words.
Your character is flawless,
Despite any insistence it’s not true.
I’ve peered into your soul,
You’ve shown me,
The real version of you.
You’ve etched a symbol of your love,
Onto my heart.
It’s a scar now,
This cave painting,
We’ve danced together.
Not always in unison,
And at times,
We’ve waged wars upon the other.
The other side of me now,
Wishes to retreat in fear,
Like so many times before.
Because loving you so intensely,
Makes me feel weak.
I am not crippled by the way that I feel,
I’m simply in awe,
Of everything about you (yes your imperfections too).
I know how it feels,
When someone holds on,
When they expect us to reciprocate,
The same they are for us.
So many times,
My heart’s been broken,
So i might express,
The way I truly feel.
The scrutiny and judgement,
To bare who I truly am.
Even if it kills me,
Or my chances,
By telling you.
The way it feels for an empath,
To express so greatly,
All the many ways,
A lonely heart plays.
I’ll go outside,
And bury these feelings in the Earth.
I shall stand barefoot,
Upon the soil.
So this energy may transmute,
In hopes that this universal life-force,
Eventually makes it’s way to you.
Between that time,
Before it’s arrival,
I hope that all of the pain and sorrow,
Existent within me,
Has all diminished,
So you might only feel the best parts of me.
I assure you my worst is ever-present too.
But the journey my love will take,
Before getting to you,
Will certainly have cleansed my soul.
The spirit of my pain,
Will have longed for the solace of the Earth and Cosmos,
So by the time it reaches you,
Only the purest parts of me,
I love you.