Why I stopped putting myself out there.



For too long I’ve focused on putting myself out there, often times facing humiliation and rejection.

This was exhausting and never fulfilling until I began learning about where I’m placing my energy.

Rather than focusing so much energy outward, I began to focus inward instead because it’s easy to get lost in the vast nature of our digital age as just one example.

It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to love someone else or project our energy externally.

It’s also easy to forget to take care of our own basic needs first if we’re too busy focusing on placing energy outside ourselves.

I feel trapped between being open and receptive and closed off so that I can focus inward on why I react to certain emotions or experiences the way that I do.

We experience loneliness to figure out our shadow work and to avoid destructive relationships or burdening others.

I’ve stopped seeking validation that I exist, in hopes that people will recognize me for who I truly am—or not.

Unfortunately, very few people are likely to really know us and the validation we seek will only come from within.

Even when we love someone, fall in love with them or are merely swept up in an infatuation over them we can forget to love ourselves all the while and ultimately condition ourselves to expect from them what we should be in control of to begin with.

I’ve stopped putting myself out there because I’m wounded—the pain in my heart is too great to bear and I’m up against a brick wall hoping that it will crumble before me.

I’m tired of going after something before foolishly realizing that path is not for me.

I wish I could obscure myself so that no one knew me—if only there were a way to exist without being seen.

If only there were a way for me to turn off the faucet of love and lust, pain and desire.

Facing loneliness burns me like scalding water—it chokes me like there is no chance I will ever breathe again.

Pain erupts from the depths of my soul and exits my body as tears and heavy sobbing.

This is too much for too many women and so I’m done putting myself out there—I’m too much for myself even at times.

A sensitive nature is more of a curse and is not widely accepted publicly.

It feels like I must compete for the space I’m taking up in this life and that I don’t belong here; alienated time and time again by society and culture.

Putting myself out there no longer interests me because I remember my own self-worth and I know what I’m capable of achieving in this life on my own.

My ego no longer concerns itself with appeasing those whose vanity envelopes their lives and would seek to compare theirs with mine.

There’s only one person in this world who will accept me unconditionally and who will support everything I do—me.

I give up on putting forth the hope that I’ll end up in some amazing relationship.

My perspective on life and love needs to change before I’d even consider putting myself out there again.

It’s just too painful and maybe it’s simply unnecessary and hopeless.

If someone truly wishes to get to know the real me, they’ll make an effort to do so.

Until then, I’m going to focus on what I’m called to do—what compels me to act so long as it’s healthy for me and not disruptive to others.

Fate can guide my relationships beyond that.

I’m done putting myself out there because I wish for my heart to mend and for every fractured piece of love to resemble what it was to love wholly at one time—before my innocence was shattered and the realization that maybe we’re meant to live with broken hearts.

It seems that many of us love the idea of putting ourselves out there and diving into a romance but at the end of the day, I’m probably one who fears it the most.

It doesn’t matter how emotionally intelligent we are if we fail to act on it boldly—becoming useless to those who have no means of using it.

Maybe the damage will simply require this lifetime to heal.

For those who cannot put themselves out there, teach.

Until I learn how to face my greatest fears, I’m no longer going to put myself out there at least not in the way I’ve done in the past.

My fears are born within and are of the mind.

I must stop putting myself out there for those who deceive my eyes while I ignore my heart’s contempt—I must give up overwhelming my senses.

It is tough waking up to the realization that some of us are meant to remain alone and finally accept that putting ourselves out there is futile.

As the saying goes, “Those who can, do, and those who can’t, teach.”

I’m here to teach and this is how I can focus on myself while putting my words out there for those who are willing and who can and will, do.

Eventually, we learn to accept ourselves unconditionally and give up putting ourselves out there because we finally realize we’ve lacked nothing and have had nothing to prove all along.



8 thoughts on “Why I stopped putting myself out there.

  1. Beautiful, honest writing. Thank you. Yes, I’ve experienced those moments you’ve written about here… the times I want to just keep forging ahead and not bother with extending myself into unknown territory. It’s a place where expectations won’t serve you, and there are no guarantees.
    And yet, I do it anyway, lol. Maybe it’s the extrovert in me or the idealist (probably both) that is always hopeful, and exceedingly fearless.
    For me it was baby steps… test the waters and take some chances. That big unconditional love for yourself also begs to be actioned outside yourself. It’s a cyclical thing, which tends to be a little bit counterintuitive… the more you give, the more that love grows inside of you. The trick is that it has to be truly unconditional. No preconceived notions, and always being open to expecting the unexpected. It’s not something I pursue, but rather, keeping myself open to opportunities that present themselves and letting my heart lead the way.


    1. Thank you for your insights and I’m glad you can relate. I’d consider myself more of an introvert and an idealist of which leads to many bold, maybe fearful or fearless moves in life—all the less baby steps. I appreciate your notion of unconditional love being practiced outside myself as well, that’s a great reminder. As much as we idealize unconditionally loving acts, I still find myself seeking desires to be fulfilled and need to work on that. Thanks again.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There is no such thing as the perfect relationship with someone else then yourself. Probably people think me and my husbands relation is perfect, but of course it is not.
    You write beautifully Thayne, ( I have read some things earlier as well) and I would be really interested if I wasn’t already taken☺️, I know there is someone out there for you. Someone not perfect. You just need to trust yourself that being hurt is not so bad. You will get over it because you know how good you are, and the other one didn’t. Didn’t take the time to find and appreciate the awesomeness that is you. In fact I think being hurt is absolutely worth the rush you feel in the beginning of an infatuation. Being hurt means there is a way to let go. If she doesn’t want you, why should you want her? You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Think of it as a gift, thank you for hurting me so that I can move on. If she didn’t hurt you it is impossible to let go. There would still be hope, endless hope. Just pretending to like someone and not hurting someone just because the fear of hurting is much worse. It just consumes time and energy. What are your thoughts?

    Ps, read the book, the mastery of love, by Ruiz, a good one!


    1. I appreciate your sentiments and agree with everything you’re saying about pain being a gift and a means of letting go. I’m continually reminded to embrace the pain and remain open as often as possible. I’ve read that book and would again agree that it’s a great read. Thank you Charlotte.


  3. I must borrow another’s words, but speaking of that Pain…. “All great love and great achievements involve great risk” (not sure if he said it first, but I recently re-read these words as being attributed to the Dalai Lama).

    Pain is preferable to numbing oneself for the sake of others, for the sake of keeping the status quo. I know this as a fact.
    Do not lose faith Thayne. Your writing reveals a beautiful soul, a heart with the ability to love so deeply is bound to find the love that makes all the pain from the past worthwhile. Your words speak to me in such a way that if I were free and mileage not an issue I would love to spend time with someone like you. I’m certain you will reunite with your Beloved. Keep working on loving yourself. She will find you.

    Love and blessings to you.


    1. I appreciate your sentiments Kendra and will assure you I’ve neither let go of the ever-present pain or my faith that she’ll arrive. Until then, as you’ve suggested, I’ll continue loving myself. Love and light to you as well!


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