To the Woman Who Tempers My Soul. {Poem}

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Sometimes I am flattered by those  innocent eyes

A younger woman’s gaze

Her soft skin and delicate impression

The picture of promise & vitality

Alas it’s your wisdom I seek

Your invisible scars emanate beyond your vibrant, glowing body

And your eyes speaking their storied tales

Hardships long past yet your voice reveals the heartache and longing for a man who can decipher your grief

His reverent eyes glisten when looking into yours

Revealing his past struggles and heartbreak too

Our fated lives resemble fallen pride, loss and ultimate gain

He realizes she is older than he despite her youthful prose warmed by her inner firelight

Protected by his humble shield

Vulnerable to her nature and beauty

Dancing in circles in a field lit with fireflies

Under the blanket of midnight’s embrace

Star lust and moonshine’s taste

Her story tempers his wild spirit

His story seduces her yearning soul

Their hands clasp and lips collide

Heart tornadoes mingling in a fury of mystery & lust

This unrelenting path led them to one another despite impossible odds

While dreaming of this moment

Two spirits rising from their body’s slumber

Wistfully meeting here in this magic place in time

Divine interlude

Soulmates unite

 

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Resistance to My Path—How Letting Go Saved Me.

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For my entire adult life an opportunity to change has loomed over me. In the past, I resorted to fear as a means of saving myself from each predicament that so easily overlooked, appeared to be a catastrophe.

There was always someone, a situation or job opportunity that enabled me—offering me solace from my karmic passageway; one of my greatest life lessons to date. Respite from an inhospitable world destined to wipe me out—casting me into oblivion.

While young and impressionable, it was easy to go along with the path that others had forged of which I was easily malleable enough to fit into.

So I accepted my fate and turned into fear each time unbeknownst to myself that I was merely delaying the inevitable.

Very egocentric, ignorant and living in a perpetual state of denial, lust and temptation I led a strung out existence indulging in the spoils of disparity.

Never fulfilled or ever quite content and endlessly seeking, I’d grow increasingly resistant to my reality and always kept one foot out the door—never fully committed; whether in silence or verbal protest.

Destructive behaviors swept over me time and time again as each year rolled around and in retrospect offered me that splendid ray of hope to turn my life around and become what I was meant to be in this life.

It simply never dawned on me, largely due to my lack of understanding that our lives do possess a pre-destined pathway which will lead us into a loving and rich lifestyle because it’s simply in our nature to accept such an existence if we so choose.

Does this erase the karmic debts we must pay back in kind for deeds done in our past lives? – No.

Letting go of resistance itself has been the liberation of mind, my hell branding me for so long—my knotted loins poisoning me.

Around this time last year, something within urged me to accept my predicament and to work through what I knew would be an especially challenging period in time—to persevere at all costs.

So each day, I began working diligently towards accepting fate as its time had so faithfully manifest—my engagement for enactment finally arriving. I’ll spare the details but all in all, I grew immensely in spirit, in mentality and in physicality.

Something changed within me on levels I cannot yet fully comprehend. There was a reckoning that because I chose to face it, a light in my life suddenly flickered. Guiding forces emerged and forgiveness for the things I’ve struggled to amend began to dissolve the torment, despair and plaguing afflictions that I’d been harboring for so long—now beginning to germinate in the form of newborn strengths; arising from that tunnel of darkness, these perceived weaknesses began to dissipate.

There is a lag period where we are tested in our virtues—the universe enticing us with old patterns of behaviors and retreat into what was.

I persisted, remaining steadfast to my newfound commitment….I refused to turn back.

A decisive nature is a language the Universe unfailingly abides—delivering that which has been devotionally bound within the triad of mind, heart and spirit.

Remaining hopeful, I let what would be, be and accepted every ounce of difficulty, strife, heartache and tearful silhouetted nights in abandon looking up into the nighttime skies for that splendid forgiveness and hope I’d been given that bittersweet taste of.

Enduring the dark night of my soul yet again, and the shadow’s nature I’d for so long deprived of its undying expression, I prayed, I sobbed and relented.

Humility became my armor, humbleness my sword.

Obscurity a lesson, never again to be ignored but instead, embraced…

Yes, parts of me died not so long ago so that I may emerge not as that over-indulging caterpillar, but a light-hearted butterfly—carried aloft in the currents of fortune.

Two weeks in remission from the outside world, I spent ample time in isolation so that my intuition might finally speak—adamantly proposing to follow the path I’d so long contemplated and to this point, only dreamed of without the guilt or self-doubt; my vantage no longer straying from that blinding light of faith.

I bowed in recognition of what I’ve since become with glistening, wild eyes and a stroke of madness that I might actually make it all work—the uncertainty my shadow, yet no longer my shackles; today serving as a strength and testament to what one is capable of achieving once they cultivate trust and devotion within their aching heart, mind, light and darkness.

I’m so thankful to all those who’ve hurt me, abused me, abandoned me and forgiven me for same. I’ve done my deeds, unwarranted and with shame. Each day I wake and spread kindness, acts of generosity and appreciation for every circumstance I’m accountable for and not.

Every moment a lesson to learn, to grow and love—with every breath we take. Not to take for granted this splendid life we’ve been graced with. I’m in love with life, my calling—now fully trusting in faith.

If we behave as messengers for what we believe in most—in the caverns of our hearts, it is possible these beliefs that have remained locked away for eons may finally see the light of day. Finding the key in the lessons we’re presented while never giving up will surely open that gateway someday.

Allowing the rays of light and servitude to act through us in accordance with our highest good will ultimately give rise to our birth right’s initiation unto this earth plane and its associated joys.

Never give up on what is innately a gift—oft overlooked. We’re all gifted and governed by free-will to accept our calling if we so choose. I encourage you to seek within for your highest truths and to shed what no longer serves.

Every moment is a treasure unto its own and we can lift the burdens of suffering from the construct of mind. Letting go of resisting what is births the discovery of our essence and ability to co-create in accordance with that which the universe wishes for us to express diligently, gracefully and happily.

Transcending what’s torn us down, spat on our good nature and burdened our beautiful spirit transforms our nature in accordance with our well-being. Releasing our shadow from the depths of our soul’s tomb to embody our entire being’s capacity for creativity, love and inner peace is our destiny.

Project your abilities inward so they may reflect outward—unto this world.

The irony is how could we possibly grow had we not succumbed to each temptation, struggle or sacrifice that led us to the place in time where an epiphany suddenly bursts forth—born into our consciousness; birthing its expression?

 

Speaking on Matters of the Heart—Why it Matters.

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The heart is a gateway into our feeling nature and largely expresses our emotional body.

Our hearts speak through intuition and are faith-based—an inner knowing that defies logic and relies on trust to urge us beyond our comfort zones.

Love is the measurement of which we are able to indicate whether our body, mind and spirit are all in synch.

So why do matters of the heart matter so much?

We are largely a masculine dominated society or at least that’s been the trend for some time. I’m encouraged to see such liberation of feminine influences on the rise and hope that our global society might someday reach the equilibrium necessary to bring about a balanced planet—in cooperation with all life here.

For so long, my own body, mind and spirit was dominated by a logical mentality, destructive nature and repressed spiritual tone.

Only after meeting people who were more in touch with their intuitive nature, did I begin my ascent into the world of duality I suppose. Learning about my inherent gifts, anatomy and spirituality through direct experience has helped me personally cultivate that equilibrium within myself.

Things I used to criticize and fear became a focus of study and personal enlightenment—away from ignorance, shame, guilt and denial (mechanisms of mind).

As I grew fonder of my own empathy and even my shadow side, it became easier to observe my feelings exhibited through various chakras and my intuition began to seek safe refuge in my life more often as well.

I’ve also learned to accept my mind chatter for what it is without taking so much stock in the millions of thoughts that inevitably pass through our waking reality.

Fortunately, the only power thoughts have is the power we lend to them.

The other day, I put myself out there regarding a lady interest in hopes that our feelings were mutual. Unfortunately, professional boundaries prohibit any possibility of exploring further opportunities and the reality is that my own wondering if she actually might be interested still remains unanswered.

It definitely hurt having to find acceptance for this despite my insistence at first, to ignore these feelings that flow naturally, whether in her presence or simply in mind. What’s important is that these feelings, despite the boundaries that separate us, are still totally valid.

At first I wanted to bury them and undo what I had done—regarding my inquiry into us getting to know one another further. I pretended that I was capable of remaining detached and that I could walk away without feelings of dejection or mind manipulation (old habits die hard, as the saying goes).

The reality is that our feelings are a barometer for all that we are experiencing beyond verbal communication. Body language offers us visual clues into how others are relating to us in association with our energetic nature as well. Albeit confusing at times, these subtle queues offer us insights into deeper truths no matter what might be said, interpreted or construed superficially.

In the past, I would have allowed my mind to take over, shaming my feelings and rejecting this integral part of me—projecting a signal to the outside world, “Reject me.”

Now, fortunately after many years of exhaustive and despairing moments and experiences, I’ve learned to brave each opportunity as though there’s nothing to lose, yet always something to gain. Despite being shut down essentially, I chose to dive into my feelings head-long and explore their origins. Seeing her again just this day reminded me that no matter what I do in a fleeting effort to ignore such genuine feelings, they’re still true and they matter—to me.

Letting things lie so that we can both continue focusing on our immediate needs is what really matters in this case (so my rational mind tells me) because she’s on her path and I’m on mine—our hearts each involved emotionally, career-wise. This will inevitably happen throughout life whether the timing is off or there’s simply mutual disinterest.

The value lies in loving her platonically regardless of her choices while continuing to love myself for exhibiting such intentions without fear, judgement or abandonment. Maybe someday a chance will blossom but it’s important to remember that genuine, unconditional love exists in detachment without expectation.

In the past, I struggled with the feeling that I could only love one person, but the reality is that I love many people—especially women. I’ve learned that it’s safe to exhibit love for women specifically because I’m aware of the unique challenges posed to their needs and lack of reception often by their own lovers or partners.

Unconditional love knows no boundaries—universally expressed, it is the purest form of acknowledging another without that attachment that a relationship might otherwise endorse.

I’m speaking of platonic love and its exhibition absent the physical, sexual nature that two people might share typically in private—transcendent love.

So I’ll offer my love to her in silence and recognition of her innate beauty and wisdom without bridging that divide again—projecting my love from afar in a respectful and platonic fashion if and when she crosses my mind again. This to me is an important lesson in humility as a means of overcoming disgrace or rejection while embracing acceptance and self-control.

Appreciation plays a large part in one’s ability to love without fear.

There is no shame in being genuine and letting someone know we’re interested. It will only lead us closer to that authentic relationship that’s truly fitting for us. Personally, I shed a tear when I’m alone in such an aftermath. I’m present with what exists and I acknowledge it for what it is—pure and magical; that someone inspired this emotion to envelope within me.

She is someone to seek emulation from for sure, when I do happen to put myself out there again. For now, I’ll simply trust in the divine nature of all things and my place within it acting as a receiver for the time being and a transmitter of pure, unadulterated love—a beacon for that potentiality to transpire when that fateful collision finally occurs.

This personifies our inner knowing that if we trust and act faithfully, no matter how well disguised our fate is we know our intentions are always in-play—working on our behalf.

Never fear the unknown and its accompanying loneliness. For those of us who are alone right now, it’s for a higher purpose we may not have clarification or understanding of at this precise moment. Personally, I’m reminded of the work I’ve set out to do and my determination to accomplish it understanding that at any time someone could walk into my life.

We’ll never be prepared for the battle field no matter how much training we’ve had—however, we must eventually step into that ring of fire knowing we might get burned. Let these scars bear witness to the struggles and hardships, sacrifices and risks we’ve so gallantly accepted as our badge of honor—the recognition that she or he will surely recognize and love us for exactly who we are; unconditionally.

Emotional Attachment—The Costs of Feeling so Greatly.

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It’s like a time-bomb set to go off at any moment—we put ourselves out there, are shutdown, rejected, turned away, etc. and suddenly the rip-tide of emotion sets in.

A gale force blow to our ego, heart and to the pit of our stomach too.

How do we not feel with such intensity when we think we’ve met someone?

“Why do I even try?” I ask myself.

Why don’t I just accept that maybe it is best if I remain alone, single—without that someone, who each time I feel it could be her only to be proven wrong once again.

My faith in finding that match begins to wane.

I know that once I’m alone, I’ll sob so that I might release whatever it is inside that has been building up—the anticipation, the wondering and pain that envelopes naturally.

Emotionally outcast yet again…

Damn, what is it about this game we call love that makes it so tiresome, lonely and unrelenting and why do we insist on persisting?

Through these tough times where we lay our emotional self on the line, stepping across the coals of lust and desire only to get burned once again, we learn something—a little more about ourselves and that we are highly sensitive people despite the minute fractures that scar our temperamental beating hearts.

For months we thrive on being single and then someone comes along and an attraction ensues. It’s not always quite clear how they feel and yet a story is already being written in our minds.

Am I just crazy to feel this way?

And so we shed a few tears and have likely even beaten ourselves up mentally—punishing our emotional body for entertaining such notions that we’re not good enough or attractive enough, etc.

Something I’ve begun to practice while I lie there, my pillow case soaking up the salty rain that streams down my cheeks is to let go of the mind chatter—my father’s words echoing in my mind that I’m an idiot, actually believing what he used to say to me is true and why I continue bullying myself to this very day.

Letting the emotions flow for as long as they need to until we feel better, soothed—which has always been the case except now, without the judgement attached to our expectations that have failed us, despite our assurance we could let go.

So many wrongs out there, where is my right?

What does the Universe intend for me if I am to remain single?

Perhaps the timing is off or they’re simply not the right fit.

Is this punishment or am I simply unsuitable for someone great?

Maybe it’s time to introspect once again—time to check in with myself to see if maybe there’s more work to be done regarding self-development.

Alas, another will come along who will stir my male nature and make my heart pound.

Will I try—am I willing to give it another go?

Is there some clue that I’m missing here, that maybe I ought to wait until there’s a steadfast signal that she’ll make me aware of—or do I just continue playing the fool?

I’m afraid there’s no answer to this play we’re acting out on center-stage where one folly leaves us flailing wildly in the opposite direction of love’s embroiled drama. To be brave enough to feel greatly comes at its own cost but I cannot imagine not letting these emotions liberate themselves, to seek expression and to act courageously—through me.

Bravery may be disguised by the appearance of foolishness but only the fool is brave enough to act where others have failed to even try.

If anyone were to come up to me with a story similar to this one, I’d reinforce their devotion and commitment to such a cause—that the only way through this life is to swim through every moment of bliss and heart-felt pain; each moment we suffer for that one we believe our hearts have fallen for and the torment that follows each upset.

Shed those tears without guilt or shame god damn-it—never give up on love for it is the one unifying force that ensures such deeds may prevail.

I swear to the heavens for giving me such a gift and yet I praise the glory that this life has revealed to me—every infatuation, each moment of delusional fantasy we conjure up when that spark is reignited once again.

Is this all in vain or will we eventually triumph?

I’ll assure you that there’s no victory if we do not show up—authentically, with humility and honesty. There’s nothing wrong with anyone who puts themselves out there, especially when faced with the reality of defeat.

We pick ourselves up again, we dust ourselves off and we keep going—this life is animated by those who give a damn about it and there’s no room on the sidelines for love to wallow.

In some cases, yes there are many, many fish in the proverbial sea of stormy love and unrelenting currents that will sweep us into its undertow. Breathless, frightened, disoriented and confused—we muster whatever strength that dwells deep within our spirit; lifting us up to new heights without realizing it at first.

We walk upon this earth plane with dignity in our hearts and a battle-torn shield shining an impenetrable light—like a lighthouse beacon which our mate will eventually see so that neither they nor we are pummeled by the crashing tides, thunderous skies, lightning strikes or cliffy crags that would otherwise send us into the depths of oblivion; the frigid, midnight seas of despair.

No one claimed I’d lead an easy life although many have attempted to pave it for me. Each time, I’ve chosen to step off that path and trail-blaze my own instead. Every pretty face or sweet smile has taught me something about the frenzied faculties of the heart and its insistence that we steer into its desires for us to learn—something more; something illogical; something bittersweet and eternal.

We must trust matters of the heart. I have no explanation as to why but I know through personal experience that if we retreat into our mind, we’ll surely succumb to a tragic life of sorrow and regret—shame and guilt.

No woman or man wants to see their lover with their head hanging low. If we are to recognize that potential mate someday, we must be looking up—standing tall and defiantly proud of whom we’ve become despite the torrent of failures and confusion that occupy this nature of love and ache.

When it’s all said and done, our glistening eyes will speak for us—that we showed up, we gave it our all, we tried and failed yet picked up the pieces of ourselves, damaged and scarred; our insignia.

This is what the woman or man we deserve will recognize—emanating from within our majestic, beautiful souls, our heart’s strength. 

The Forgotten—Why Every Human Matters.

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Over the last year or so I’ve been in direct contact with people in need—people who have been disenfranchised, forgotten and stigmatized because they for the untold number of reasons or circumstances, do not fit the mold of society.

I’m speaking of people who have lost their job or home, are disabled and those who suffer terribly with mental illness as starters. Some were merely born into a world of violence and drug-addictive parents; abuse or sexual assault…

Young people who never had a chance or a role model that might help steer them towards a constructive direction in life.

Of course it’s easy to imagine the proverbial beggar on the street who bothers our ever-precious time for change. I’ve experienced an entire gambit of emotions wile confronted with such people on the streets over the years—guilt, disgust, empathy and annoyance. There are times when I’ve given gladly and others when I felt like I needed every penny to my name.

But what about the children whose parents have fallen through the cracks and each day, line up at the local soup kitchen, waiting in line to eat food that would otherwise be slated for the landfill?

I do not proclaim to be a wise man, but I know what shame is when I look into these people’s eyes—their dignity in shambles and sense of worth departed from the wholesome existence that they too deserve.

How can we as a society forget those who brave every weather extreme, ask for our help and bless us when we decline?

Why are our backs turned to the elephant in the room while we enrichen our own lives at the expense of other’s endless suffering?

When will enough be enough—when every material and superficial need has been met?

Will we then commence our service to others—to all others no matter their race, creed or appearance?

As I’ve begun my descent into a minimalist’s lifestyle—learning to live with less while having so much more…more time, freedom, happiness and content I have  discovered that no matter how little I have and how humbling it’s been getting here, there are still so many with less than I.

There are unsung heroes walking in our midst—the veterans who’ve served our country so that we might explore uninterrupted freedom of interpretation, i.e. speech and religion.

Men and women whose mode of daily operation is by crutch or wheelchair—wearily passed by and ignored by those of us who largely take for granted our able-bodied fortune. We’re able to make all of those simple, every day choices like showering and dressing ourselves or strolling along on our own two feet—something they can now only dream of. Precious memories that fade while their dependence on disability and social security barely meets the necessary costs of their desperate needs.

I’ve observed something powerful amongst these people—these societal outcasts who are shunned and looked down upon by the fortunate classes. Their allegiance to one another, brother to brother and the bonds that are born from the innate suffering that is a part of daily life in unspoken reverence towards one another overall.

Some people wander about in denial and humiliation of their predicament while others thrive with less. The mentally anguished carry about conversations with themselves while eluded by those with seemingly sound minds.

My point here is that there’s no unit of measurement to classify those in need because homelessness, etc. can befall anyone at any time—their lives suddenly (literally) crashing down around them. A car wreck that leaves the perfectly healthy adventurist without use of their legs or mentality to care for themselves; now under hospice, sitting and defecating in their wheelchair—completely dependent upon health care professionals to tend to their every need.

The saint without shelter who freezes to death due to exposure each winter’s passing…

You see, until we widen our scope and include every human in this picture of a unified race, we will all ultimately suffer—a widening unemployment pandemic, resource depletion and perpetual separation of beliefs that sever the ties we inherently rely on to create such a dream.

I’m not suggesting that we ought to quit our day jobs to become philanthropists but a simple smile and acknowledgement to that individual we might all have in mind right now, could make their day just one ounce better—because we’ve shown them that we recognize where they stand in relation to us. We’ve expressed a token of our own humanity and maybe possibly granted them our change or a few dollars so they might do with it what they will—without our attachment to its outcome.

Let the boozer go buy their booze if drinking their sorrows away is what numbs the reality of being outcast—from a civilized world; shunned because they fought alongside fallen brethren only to return home to a fractured system that defiantly and ignorantly cast them out.

I urge you to consider who needs more and what we can live with or without—whether our gains are worth the losses that impinge upon the inalienable freedoms deserving of every man, woman and child no matter their origins or journey through this often times, destitute life.

Selfless acts and service to others is the answer to any question posed as to how we create a new world where our influence as patrons and humanitarians is a lesson unto the children who walk upon this Earth plane today.

They are our elders (our children), our stewards and someday we will rely on the kindness and empathy of those who are more able-bodied and willing than us. Our acts determine our future and the lessons we present to the listening eyes and minds of our youngsters. Lest we forsake where we came from and where we’re headed. I beg you, please remember the forgotten.

“Ho’oponopono.”I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.

 

 

Universal Basic Income—A New Paradigm.

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I recently read that over the next 20 years, 50% of our jobs will be replaced by automation. While this might terrify many, I see it as a giant leap into a new paradigm—a Utopian reality in balance with Nature.

Not surprisingly, multiple countries are actively participating in pilot projects centered on the idea of a universal, inalienable basic income available to every human being.

Of course, some critics and analysts might balk at such a grand gesture but from my perspective its time has come. Our nearest neighbor, Ontario Canada is piloting such a project as well.

What this entails is that every human, child included would receive a monthly income regardless of their function in society, eliminating the current welfare and unemployment programs that are now so ineffectually in place—restoring people’s dignities and offering so many, especially creatives and entrepreneurs the opportunity to work towards their ambitions absent the need to work for their basic needs first.

Imagine, if your basic needs were met, what might you be inspired to create?

So much suffering exists because of class warfare and income inequality. As the tides shift within governments and financial institutions around the world, the insistence that society find commonwealth amongst one another steadily grows.

Civil unrest is a burgeoning issue and the potential for catastrophic consequences looms unless, a new paradigm is introduced. Automation or technology is here to serve us—we no longer need to animate the mechanisms of society like we had to during the industrial revolution.

As we are observing, our climate and environment are hanging precariously on the brink of an untold number of irreversible consequences. People are waking up to the illusion of mass-manipulative marketing and hyper-inflated consumerism.

We are space-age and soon, civilian space travel will be reminiscent of commuting to work each day. Communities and countries are enforcing food-waste bans and ensuring that all are fed. Humanitarian efforts are on the rise—unlike anything our species has ever witnessed.

Take away the inflation bubble (BRICS) and the need for war as enterprise along with the introduction of renewable energies and a spiritual uprising and we have the recipe for a new way of thinking, acting and co-existing with all life here on this planet.

Like anything else occupying such a vast scope, a basic income is a double-edge sword. There will be resistance, setbacks and failures while it’s continually refined but eventually the potential for a finely crafted system of checks and balances can come to fruition.

It requires the voice, motives and influence of the people to help usher in such an idea.

Over the past few decades, this protocol has been tested and studied extensively. It was found that the majority of people who participated soon became more ambitious, able to focus on their dreams without worrying about having to pay their bills or put food on the table.

For artists, creatives and entrepreneurs, this opens the door to new innovation, broader spiritual enlightenment and the potential for another renaissance period.

Automation is everywhere. Each year, we see new advancements in robotics and A.I. (artificial intelligence). We have entered the light age where the possibility to create things that not too long ago were thought unimaginable are now center-stage and at the forefront of a budding futuristic reality.

As I noted, despite the convenience of technology, we must however never forget to balance life on this planet with spiritualitythe all-encompassing phenomenon that still eludes so many yet pervades all of creation. Beliefs change our reality and if we are to imagine this Utopian galactic society, we must also brave the powers [that were] seeking to destroy our nature for profit.

We are the stewards of this planet and our buying power speaks. This I’m sure is becoming more and more prevalent in the minds of elephant journal readers as an example. Our voice is our influence and there’s never been a time when a global race has had the opportunity to rise as one.

Philanthropic entrepreneurs like Elon Musk are paving the way beyond this post-industrialized age into the ever-growing civilian space race, a global satellite network beaming internet to every region around the globe and the introduction of electric vehicle transportation.

These are exciting times and we have simply grown beyond the need to struggle just to make ends meet—effectively ending an era of fear-based incentives and segregation of the human race. The more that people become aware of the wondrous opportunities that lie at our fingertips, the sooner we can empower ourselves, heal the human predicament and thrive for the first time in recorded human history as one race of humans in accordance with the grand scheme of a constructive, expansive universe alongside all of creation—both here and abroad; beyond the cosmos.

Remember the illusion of scarcity is just that—an illusion. Governments will bend to the will of the people so long as our voices and actions are synchronous. As we mature in this dawning new age and our elders (Rainbow children) are re-born here on this Earth plane, the time to abandon what no longer serves rests solely in our hands—we are the way-showers.

Someday, we’ll be a moneyless society and unnecessary commerce will be largely obsolete. There will be vastly more to live for than monetary, material or superficial gain. We will indeed be an enlightened global society—led by a hierarchy of influence, not promises or hope.

 

 

My Interview with an Energy Vampire.

 

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In early 2015, I was singled out by a seemingly harmless eccentric woman in her early 60’s. At first, she appeared to be very friendly and commented right away that I was a very polite young man.

Frequenting the same café where I’d typically roost for a few hours each morning—sipping on coffee and writing, we would end up chatting for a while.

Being able to share intellectual, philosophical and spiritual conversation was pleasant and welcomed due to very few people in my life of which these page turners could be discussed.

It’s not been uncommon for me to befriend older and wiser people for as long as I recall so this felt perfectly natural. Over time, I began noticing traits that were a bit…off about this person. Not the least likely surprised however at this old hippie’s character-traits, I simply brushed it off—ignoring the early signs that my intuition was warning me of.

I picked up on her narcissism right away…

For me personally, it’s taken a long time to trust my inner knowing and that despite what’s occurring on the superficial level, energy never lies.

Last year was a particularly challenging space in time for me and to have that comfort nearly every day to take a break from reality for cheer and laughter was very welcoming.

Over the course of a few months, a growing discomfort began to dwell within although I was unable to pinpoint or recognize its source—or so my rational mind continued insisting on. She would continually inform me that I’m an attractive or handsome man, which I took for face-value coming from someone 30 years my senior.

After a while, her behaviors became reminiscent of a child’s, which is fine—we should all let our inner child out to play no matter what age we’ve arrived at. Nonetheless, it was an early sign of what I’ve since discovered to be a predominant trait that histrionics possess.

Now I’m no angel nor is my name Jesus but I do consider myself very tolerant, patient and accepting. Although, I can only tolerate so much before I feel like I’m being put on public display at the behest of my company’s increasingly strange behavioral patterns.

As usual, I’d let it go, after all I considered this woman to be a friend. I should also note right away that I walked away from this experience with some valuable wisdom, some of which she had imparted and I’m ever grateful for that.

My tolerance extending only so far, I informed her of my plans one day to wander downtown and she immediately invited herself along. “Hmm…” I thought. “This should be interesting.”—moving beyond the coffee shop and into the outside environs of our beautiful garden city.

So we wandered downtown to the farmer’s market and to another coffee shop where she proceeded to behave….histrionically. At this point, I was simply feeling embarrassed and like a spectacle.

I don’t like being made to feel like a spectacle.

Her contrived behavior at this point was simply growing on my typically steadfast nerves and while she complained about the poor air quality (fire season), I finally blurted out quite unconsciously; “You’re making it sound worse than it is.” Well this just sent her through the roof of her victimhood mentality and for weeks following she insisted on prodding me with why I said such a hurtful, insensitive thing.

“So be it.”, was my ultimate egoic response (being quite fed up with this crazy old lady by that point) before finally confessing that I’d done it unconsciously as a brazen act—exactly what she wanted to hear; now swept into her vice-like grip and officially claiming me as her prey.

Dun-dun-duuun!

By this time, we had now shown our true colors—a new echelon of frienemyship (friend/enemy). She began insulting me, threatening to run me out of town in a humorous tone as if she was kidding but serious, so on and so forth.

Intimidation, assault, coercion and public humiliation were now tactics she had pulled out of her arsenal (she slapped me in the face on two separate occasions). She also insisted on us developing a conscious psychological relationship which I interpreted as two intellectuals who could carry about honest and open communication where essentially anything could be spoken about without judgement or ridicule.

I spoke of my boundaries at one point and her immediate reply was, “I don’t believe in boundaries!”—Huge red flag.

The stalking also began by this point after mistakenly letting her know of my new dwelling I had recently moved into. [My landlord’s wife confirmed that she sat across the street from where I lived for two hours one day while I was away.] All of this in a cute, innocent neurotic way that she thought was endearing.

These types, they prey on people while playing the victim to get you to empathize with their pitiful circumstances…

As the growing unease and uncertainty of what she might say or do next progressed, coincidentally showing up while I was sitting down to write at this same café in the afternoons following my work day, I began revealing the strange nature of this so-called friendship to my landlord.

She always insisted that I drop what I was doing to entertain her despite it being obvious I was busy—working…

As a musician in his younger years, he pointed out right away that she was setting herself up to be my sugar momma (his words) based around the experience he had with neurotic fans both young and old while he experienced his fame in earlier years. He also noted that it sounded like she has Asperger’s and read off a list of traits—every one of which nailed her personality to a T. Personally, I do not wish to associate this disorder with her particular phenomenon but I’ve noted it for reference as an educational marker for those who are learning about the variety of personality disorders that do exist.

One day she brought up all of the good people she knew and how she could blackmail them…

Another tactic she began manipulating me with—questioning my own sanity and empathy with role-reversal. She began projecting onto me—accusing me of being schizophrenic and lacking empathy. As my landlord informed me, people like this desperately want to have these feelings they simply do not possess and so they behave like energy vampires, warily picking out victims of whom they can siphon energy from—in any way, shape or form they quite intelligently entertain.

I noticed she projected unique personas around different people, ensuring she was being held in high esteem by others…

Predators form a bond, subtly and insidiously begin their manipulation tactics and eventually turn their hapless victim against themselves—no longer able to distinguish between what’s real and what’s imagined; a duality or battle between one’s own mind and their intuition.

She related to me that she had begun telling her friends that I was her greatest experiment…

She had quite famously bottle-fed me into a very self-conscious person, convincing me I was all kinds of f*cked up psychologically. Well the day arrived when she invited me out to dinner and I politely agreed. She had the specific day picked out and everything.

Naively believing still that this was an odd, yet harmless friendship, I shared this with my landlord and he then retold the stories of his own experience as though he’d been watching mine the entire time—I even began to rationalize and he stopped me in my tracks.

Suddenly overwhelmed and feeling as though I had just been awakened from a trance-state, the intensity of this nagging discomfort swept over me—one of the creepiest feelings I’ve ever had.

Now I know how all of you women feel when you’re being creeped on by creepy guys—I’m so sorry.

He insisted that I nip this all in the bud and cancel the engagement immediately. He suggested that I go so far as to stop visiting any place she was aware that I frequented as well—which I took heed, all of it. I called and left her a message that I could not make the appointment (dinner) and she soon followed up with three creepy-ass voicemails that I saved for my own records, protection and to use against her if necessary.

To make myself fully clear how I felt, I emailed her a cease-and-desist letter, citing each offense that I had transcribed and was willing to press charges against her for if she persisted. Fortunately to this day, there’s not been another incident between her and I and I’m very thankful that my landlord served as a guiding light—steering me clear of what could have become a very nasty experience.

Phew, lesson learned!

My advice, if you’re willing to receive it is to be weary of people who begin persecuting or humiliating you in public in addition to any of the above mentioned experiences that I went through so naively.

I understand, despite all of this that she is incredibly damaged psychologically—knowing first-hand that it stems from her childhood. She cannot help her behavior and I believe is largely clueless as to its severity. This kind of damage requires immense healing and although I really don’t have any desire to help her, I can at least forgive her and myself for this experience.

It’s not something I ought to hold onto, gossip with ill intent of or persecute her for any further. This article is to inform others that despite so many of us who inherently see the good in others, we can be easily taken advantage of explicitly because of this.

It’s best to seek compassion for those who are so mentally disturbed and who literally thrive on attention-seeking and over-excessive drama. Please, guard yourself first before deciding that loyalty to someone else is warranted over our own self-care and health.

I’d urge others to pay attention to any rising discomfort that comes about in the presence of questionable individuals—friends don’t deteriorate the well-being of the people they care about. People incapable of truly loving themselves cannot truly love and care for others without becoming parasitic in nature and this is an unfortunate, yet harsh truth.