When I am doing what aligns with being practical, I find myself dreaming aloft each day while I work to meet my needs and some wants.
Longing for that time outside, in the woods spending more moments with Nature.
Priorities have either held me away from these experiences or what little time off I’ve had was often reserved for rest and recovery—mental, emotional and physical recuperation.
There are times when I’m not working 40 or more hours a week and have plenty of freedom to explore, yet fear grips me and I retreat into the security of shelter and comfort.
Ambitious enough to travel outdoors each day, but not adventurous enough to say, “F*ck it” and just go be for a while—an extended absence from daily life.
The illusion of scarcity I suppose might ward off my urge to live spontaneously and let go of not knowing what’s next or where money will arrive from.
In the past, I’ve compromised on ensuring my needs could be met on a regular basis—that I could trust in relying on my well-paying job to satisfy my desires and happiness in life.
Wanderlust has visited on many occasions.
What holds me back, I wonder?
Fear and anxiousness of letting go of the choke hold I have over my identity and where I fit into society vs. leading a life of obscurity for a time.
Documenting my journey with pen and paper, lens and mirror.
Maybe I’m a storyteller, a traveler.
Nomadic in nature and lusting over the unknown.
A mysterious lifestyle, understood by few—except maybe mystics, wanderers, seekers and shamans; artists, musicians and entrepreneurs.
Will I look back on my life and smile, reminiscing on how interesting it’s been or will I regret steering back into fear?
The point to me, is to discover that connection I have with Creator.
Or at least, realize its eternal presence and that I am but an integral part of all that is.
Compromise results in overall despair, unfortunately (speaking for myself).
I see the lessons I’ve so gratefully learned amidst the passage through my own perceived shadow world.
I’m aware of the things I’ve been able to do because of a steady income.
Yet, something has continually gnawed away at my consciousness—that I wasn’t leading the life my potential was seeking.
Every time I’ve compromised, I’ve grown a little more mature and wise.
But, the looming sorrow of starving an important aspect of myself from seeking its well-deserved expression has been nagging at me my entire adult life.
Learning to foster my lighter and darker sides mutually.
There’s a way for these two polarities to dance in unison and to help create a reality that suits us—no matter how abstract or unrealistic it may seem.
There’s a saying, “Fortune favors the bold”.
Fair warning: I’ve fallen down too many times to count. I’ve lost much and gained little and vice versa. There’s no guarantee that our treasure map will lead us to our treasure.
One sure way of never proclaiming our power, is choosing not to act.
Ignoring our fate or destiny and cozying up instead, to a mundane prison sentence of a life.
There is a relationship I wish to have and it beckons me home.
A rites of passage will reveal a gateway when the time for me to choose arrives.
Until then, I quest.