It’s impossible for me to imagine being able to make some of the bold, insecure and risky choices that I do, had I not liberated myself of so many layers of ego first.
Not many of my choices have led me away from hardship or financial pitfalls. It hasn’t always been pretty, transitioning from one mode of life to another. There have been dire consequences to some of the decisions I’ve ultimately made.
Creating an interesting life is nothing short of unrealistic and seemingly impossible to achieve. Dreaming of being in the field with my camera, storytelling and enjoying more leisure for example, vs. the dreaded 9-5 routine and spectator’s demise. Toiling over what we’re passionate about, instead of spending the exact same energy on what otherwise devastates our spirit.
Compromising on security and getting caught up in the dangerous game of comparing my life to others – or how I believe it should look vs. how it actually is. There’s an endless number of layers for us to shed along this painfully exquisite journey. Learning to do so with as much grace and ease helps us get through the trials while learning to find space for happiness and opportunity in more situations.
A little humor about how seriously we take so much, when most of the time our crises are merely speed bumps. Obstacles for us to pay attention to, yet figure out how to maneuver around without causing too much distress or decay to our forward progress.
This life I speak of is written by ourselves and becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy. If and when things go unexpectedly or take a sudden turn, we learn to go with the flow and allow the current to sweep us through this period, rather than resisting what the Universe is teaching us.
There are so many times when life has been less than ideal, while struggling with letting go of past and fear. Only speaking for myself, I’ve formed identities around differing environments, demonstrating different aspects of myself to different people.
A personal, public and professional demeanor that I still revert to. Is my persona authentic? Am I deceiving myself and attempting to fool others into believing my current lie – the excuses I make and act out that ultimately sidetrack my success?
It’s hard to accept all aspects of myself, when I know how traumatic it was to be persecuted for so long. Despite my own demons, addictions and handicaps, I find something within me that is more enlightened than despairing. A subtle voice that whispers – encouraging me to entertain my passions; my pursuit.
An underlying purpose that I am being guided to accept as my calling. We can dance around our destiny for however long we wish but eventually, we turn back into it and pick up where we last left off. There’s no answer to how long it will take us to realize the source of our abundance and prosperity – whatever that equates to for each individual.
Can I have what I want, can I earn a constructive living and do I have to suffer needlessly to have it? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve already suffered when I shouldn’t have. I know what it feels like to have a constructive lifestyle – not perfect, but comforting for the most part. Obtaining what I really want happens when I’m meant to receive it and sometimes, what I get is not always what I wanted but what I needed instead.
Is this life more about working and sleeping two thirds of my life away to maintain material comfort – largely wasting away the last third due to exhaustion and lack of motivation, or is it more about personal soul growth, healing and liberation?
I’d like to reflect on my life, not just on my death-bed, but every day to determine whether I’m adding real value to or taking precious moments away from myself and my well being.
In the past, I’ve resorted to compromise and doing what’s practical – toiling for a mediocre life that keeps me fed, sheltered and protected but conversely establishes a nagging void, that I’m letting life pass me by. To contradict myself, my tendency might be to work too much and play catch up when I have free time or work too little and let all of that free time pass me by – largely out of fear in both cases.
What necessary sacrifices need to be made before we can realize our potentials and gifts? Unfortunately, I do not possess the answers to your path – only insights. I can imagine my own however, and I can choose whether I’m willing to see it through or simply let it pass me by. Your path, your direction and the answers you seek will only happen once you’ve accepted your mission and have set out to accomplish whatever ambitions you’ve fostered.
I imagine a life where I’m compensated for my writing, videography and coaching – in addition to whatever my entrepreneurial spirit wishes me to explore. My job is to create this lifestyle. Sidelining life by ensuring I’m safe, sheltered and overall secure may or may not get me the vision I’m seeking.
What are you willing to let go of? Which illusory layers of identity are no longer serving you? Are you filling the space in your life with authenticity or a facade?