Buried Affirmations.


Why does it take so long to grasp that which is simple to comprehend, practice and instill within ourselves and others?

Like asking for what we truly want and feeling like we deserve it. Like asking for help when we need it or helping others when they do. Like believing in myself enough to courageously act and boldly go after what I really want. Like accepting my circumstances as they are and motivating myself to shape the insane life I strive for in my dreams.

Time and time again, I’ve turned back—into fear.

I’ve let go of what I wanted more than anything else to accept the detour and blaring lights attracting me—tempting me to wane from my desires. “This will help me get what I want.”, I assure myself as I choose to sidetrack my life and career one more time. “Many months from now, I will surely be happy still (and content that the things I love most are largely collecting dust).” My aspirations will often stagnate for months on end as I toil over the daily grind to meet my needs first and what I’m passionate about, second.

This year, I’m interested in doing something different. I’ve decided to place my dreams first and foremost; everything else being secondary. The bridge to expansion must be crossed if we are to grow and what better way to meld our craft with our lifestyle then to hone, perfect, persist what we love so much, each day without compromise. My discipline, is the moment and my attention to it as I balance upon this Slackline called life. It’s very treacherous and falling at any time could kill us. Reminding self of this notion assures us that no guarantees exist and that uncertainty can be unfair and swift.

Compromise is a double-edged sword and too many times, I’ve given in to my own fears and the temptation to be bought out or bailed out by accepting circumstances presented to me rather than being decisive and trusting to my own path. Right here though, is where I have so fortunately learned value, simplicity, sacrifice and content—when I was furthest from my goals and ambitions; when it seemed impossible to reach them.

The countless hours, years and youth that I’ve spent to learn and grow. Swimming through desperation, substances and misery so that an ounce of prevention might prevail one day. That glimmer of hope setting beyond the horizon—my signpost that all is never lost. “Keep going…”, a voice inside me whispers. Rarely a day gone by that I’ve not been present with what I love and also detest.

This promise that 40 hours a week (with one or two petty weeks off each year, say whaaat?!?) will buy my happiness and security and that it’s just the way it is. My cookie-cutter lifestyle that I should be so thankful to have and feel complete for being a part of—a productive member or servant of society. A proverbial indentured debt-slave unwittingly shaping planetary demise for the sake of convenience, glamour and profit.

How lovely!

Time and time again, I’ve jumped into the pool, swam around the sh*t for a while, learned some sh*t, tolerated some sh*t and lost my sh*t over stupid sh*t. Paychecks delivered more things and more needs were inevitably bought so they could be met. Had there been a lack of foresight into specific passions or hobbies, I’d have surely lacked the fortitude to work one-third of my life away (going rate at the time) for a variety of equipment, clothing and whatnot to serve me in the future.

My point is that had I simply chosen to drink my paycheck away or buy useless things that serve no real purpose, the tools and resources I so dearly possess now could have never arrived to help me create my masterpiece. Ultimately, no matter what I’ve set out to achieve or do to satiate my desires, I’ve had to hustle so these dreams or aspirations could be realized.

It’s a dangerous habit to rely on self-imposed safety nets that reinforce opportunities for us to fall into again and again when things fail to work out how we thought they should or because life is simply challenging. Sometimes falling hard is the best thing that could happen to us so we can learn swiftly, our scars serving as marks of wisdom and evident ascent into the wild, expansive unknown that is our destiny or calling to oblige.

I’m grateful to every person who gladly helped me out of courtesy and provided for me in ways I was unfit, incapable or unwilling to do for myself at the time. Shelter, employment, encouragement, support, etc. have all been dealt to me throughout my journey exploring the unknown. My path was laid out for me from a young age–before I even realized it, my fate had been decided. Every puzzle piece was in place so that my life could echo that of my father’s and mentor’s—except for one impenetrable variable.

Rebellion—a rift in their judgement and expectations of me.

Because my higher self and free-will felt invaded, persecuted and trapped, my soul screamed out for change. Savage rage and anger swept over me as a young man. Hostility was a form of protection, a part of my identity and implosive denial. Abuse was a way for me to resurrect pain and suffering so I could re-live my torment and captivity day after day. This type of self-destruction comes at the cost of physical, mental and/or emotional enslavement—to no one but our own minds and self-imposed predicament.

As I come into my own and begin coming of age, I’m learning to recognize that no matter how the experience unfolded, my memory, that figment of reality in time can be altered by perception. There’s always value disguised within the human experience and we’re meant to be actively participating while learning from each word, sentence and chapter our lives are transcribing each day to the Universe.

Healing through forgiveness cures all ailments.

Even at an early age, I can remember having a vivid consciousness and being acutely aware. My comprehension was vast, despite the obvious childhood naivety most of us inevitably characterize. Sex, swear words, mischievous sibling and peer influences and parental observation (monkey see, monkey do) all led to a comprehensive ‘personality’ or identity of which I wholeheartedly believed in. I bought into the dream for a time and at a definite cost, but something in me ceaselessly yearned for greater and more. Not more things or greater achievements so-to-speak but increased diversity, lessons and experiences contributing to soul growth and the gradual unveiling of the american dream–a cheap, made in China facade.

Believe it or not, my soul has called out for struggle and pain—enduring many hardships and sacrifices of which have taught me extraordinary value and direction in life including a newly discovered sense of self.

What I’ve come to realize about my own life is that my calling has been staring me in the face for as long as memory serves. Right in front of me. Things that come naturally, exude my essence, are enjoyable and that spill forth creativity. Crafts that steal away time and open the gateway to that childlike, inner expression crying out for attention and passage into the light of day.

Just because we are grown up, does not mean we have to give up our youth or that innocent voice that resides eternally within. We are sentient, peaceful and loving creatures who are by and large misunderstood and thus we misunderstand others. Until I delve further and deeper into my own subconscious world of darkness and light, I will remain oblivious to my own plight and will likely miss out on the adventure that could be my lifetime.

From time to time, we’ll unearth our dream declaration from that dusty stack of I swear I’ll get to these magazines and books or wherever you know you’ll eventually dig around for something forgotten to re-discover your soul’s message to self. Read it and reflect on the journey; immerse yourself in your vision for awhile.

What’s been accomplished or overcome so far—what’s changed and what’s new?

“Look at how far I’ve come since I wrote those desires down so long ago.”, you’ll silently reminisce and likely crack a smile at.

Correct the distortions; continue moving forward and advance at your own pace.

No matter how many times we circle the block, keep braving the monotony and excruciating suffering we routinely impose upon ourselves with the reassurance that every moment counts for the many more to come, when we’ve finally stepped through our personal limitations and into our limelight. Trust that it’s worth the wait, the weight and many sacrifices to get there.




Altering our Reality


If you’re determined to achieve your goals, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to meet them.

Can you accept sacrifice as an integral part of obtaining your dream life?

Are you conducting your best self every moment imaginable?

Is your behavior that of a bastioned writer or an armchair critic?

To this day, I catch myself criticizing my work and the work of others. To correct this, I focus intently on other people’s achievements, including my own. There’s no glory in cynicism. A genuine leader focuses on what lifts his fellow man, not what ails him.

What’s this telling me about myself?

Where is my leadership potential and how well am I directing my life and leading by my highest influence persistently?

When my shadow side presents itself, my nature becomes destructive. It can be like a precarious razor-back ridge that I must navigate to and from each day. This can feel incredibly uncomfortable, for uncertainty to loom over us so often. What’s beneficial about our darker polarity is that it will consume layers of our identity that no longer suit our growth by exposing themselves to us through acts of rebellion [for example]. If we’re attentive to our behavioral patterns and past ‘circumstances’, we’ll eventually evidence what’s worth shedding or molting.

What is propelling me forward and what do I have a strong, gut reaction to?

Am I turning back into fear, of compromise, or am I bold enough to steer into the unknown?

We’re guaranteed nothing in this life except its end, so we must drift when necessary and dig our heels in at a moment’s notice–adaptive to abrupt and sometimes, painful change. I’m slowly training myself to celebrate the crafting process that so many people bravely endure so they can share their inspiration with the world. A realization of the work these artisans and craftspeople tirelessly devote behind the scenes is a testament to fulfilling one’s passion; the dutiful persistence and devotion to restoring a loving world.

I’ve been enamored by these creative types for some time and always love finding myself in the middle of listening to an eccentric’s life story–a perfect stranger met at a synchronous place in time; another serendipitous experience mirroring itself to me. Hearing about the interesting roads these wanderers have traveled to gain enlightenment and happiness from. The obvious struggles and hardships are written into every wrinkle of glowing, weathered skin and the mature tone in their voice–wise eyes glazed over with both contempt at life and compassion for it. Passion exuded in some form of which these splendid humans lose themselves for hours upon hours, creating that timeless cornerstone of their livelihoods. These are the lifestyles worth living for, if you ask me.

Excitement born from entertaining and teasing our drunken desires–those hidden fantasies that encourage our inborn creativity to reveal each identity in broad daylight. Chest bare, heart lacerated, lungs full of sorrow and vulnerability pouring from me emotionally, I silently scream and peer up into the Cosmos for answers as to why I rebel, why I am so defiant in nature, so wild–unfit for societal expectations; feeling despaired yet challenged to rise through my vises. Renewed enthusiasm usually arrives when I am entrenched by another dead-end experience and day dreaming becomes the norm. Robotically tasking myself at a slow and steady pace, eight hours a day–wishing I was pursuing what I love rather than what’s practical.

The opportunities ingrained into our destinies, the primary purpose we’re meant to serve here in abstract ways is what we need to be seeking–the creative forces universally at-play. What pulls us in, sweeping us away–losing ourselves in for hours, basking in for days,  toiling for weeks and starving for months on-end until one day, we wake and the dream we so long ago envisioned is finally before us?

This is the destiny I seek to fulfill–my waking dream.

What is yours?

Are you daring enough to carry out your individual mission in life?

Your one brilliant act?

If we are to lead happy, contented lives, we must work at constructing that vivid wakefulness in our mind’s eye–blurring the line between reality and imagination. Swayed by one force and then churned by another in a vast sea of energy that we are intrinsically suspended in. It is in the impermanence of everything, where solace and wholesome connection and belonging is remembered or newly re-discovered; ingeniously disguised in the eternal web of our existence. The vivid reality of Humanity is a cooperative race of stewards whose sole mission perpetuates an altruistic nature. Humans are observers–we are a single species of brothers and relatives; all nonetheless, family. There is but one, single family on this galactic sphere.

Sick minds are incapable of healing a sick planet until they heal the species. We are accountable for curing our collective distortions by learning of their origins and helping every individual overcome them. Each wave of higher consciousness born onto this planet is contributing to the collective uprising–a mass awakening; a global mind.

As sure as we arrived here, we’ll surely leave but will undoubtedly return [again].

What kind of world will we be returning to?

A better or worse place to experience our internal war and peace?

To face this predicament, our unrelenting duty to ourselves is restoring our consciousness to purer states that resonate with the natural world. Observing the reflection of the world around us, we might continue learning to compartmentalize how small differences, changes or impacts in each of our personal lives might contribute to the global shift towards unity and restoration. Sovereignty is governed by respecting individual free-will while exercising our own, organically.

What work must be done as individuals to instill a healthier mind and sound body?

Desperate times discern radical measures and necessity births new invention–of mind, body and spiritual aspirations. Acting out our script as it’s directed by divine timing and trusting in whatever hurdle or obstacle that stands before us–omens for us to peer deeper into the veil of illusion for signs and insights; guiding us through our next passage of rites. Adventure beckons me to stretch myself beyond limiting comfort zones and to enshrine my reality with that which illumines me.

Waking each day with the enthusiasm and commitment to a craft that’s accelerating me beyond what I was yesterday. As each saying goes, “Inch by inch, life’s a cinch.” and “Slow and steady wins the race.” It can be an excruciating process, working at a snail’s pace towards that vision or dreamscape but the only way to paint our masterpiece is with one stroke of brilliance at a time. Sometimes we make a splash and others, barely a ripple. What’s important, is the longevity of our pursuit–continually refined but never perfected over many moons and winters.

Fanning the perpetual flame of creativity and stirring new expansion.

If we are to drastically alter or improve our lives, we must drastically alter and improve our thoughts, beliefs and actions. Every unique imperfection we can contribute to this wondrous experience is a dose of expression for us to catalog and gain wisdom from. So every mistake counts, every counter-measure, lateral or reverse maneuver we must take to taste a morsel of where we’re headed is an intrinsic strand of the web embodying our soul’s journey. The river of life follows the path of least resistance, but to overcome tidal waves of resistance and mountains of doubt, our spirit lifts us into the clouds, carrying our storm aloft until we’re meant to land again, safely upon the Earth.


Fasting with Nature


Over-indulging too often.

A love affair with Lana.

Escaping reality until the witching hour.

Food, processed A.I. becomes me.

Routine, monotony, security–killing me.

Shelter, the same every day–slave, chained, slay me.

Nothing remains, but the same.

No life lived, just used; pawn.

Junkies hiding in different closets.

Smile, selfie.

Facade, identity…come on, let’s wake up.

Who are we?

No matter how lavish the lifestyle it seems, we rarely appreciate it at its seams.

The real strength lies along that line between our own light, shadow and exquisite divine.

Facing our weaknesses on every individual front-line.

Igniting the flame within that wills us to give into adversity.

Letting go of our captor, the torment and pain.

Anger licking our wounds, yet offering healing solace.

Dreams spawn new desires and pursuits of happiness.

A new dawn and season emerges.

I breathe, for the first time, fresh, cold, spring mountain air–liberated from my cocoon,

“I need you Mother and know, you do not need me.”

If there is a place for me here, let thy will be done and let it be.

Thank you Creator, for this life you have blessed thee.

What are my needs?

What do I need, to be?

So I can be me…

I’ve surrendered before Infinite One, and am prepared to do so again.

Give myself to you in hopes you can heal me.

Remove the poison paralyzing me.

Everything is so close, yet too far.

Why me? Why…me?

Why do you want me to suffer?

Why does such great sorrow flow through me?

Who will save me?

It’s time to go live with the raven and crow.

Where the elk and deer turn southerly to remain warm.

You’ve been tugging at me, I can see that now.

My entire adult life, you’ve tested me.

Will I remain silent, choose to suffer or become free?

Led to the brink, in the blink of an eye.

Glorious life, everything shining, then suddenly gloom–that silent whisper; that shadow in you.

“Where have you gone? Have you forgotten your purpose here?”

Fitting in will never suit you.

Standing out, will.

I’m in search for hope–that we shift the tide of our reality; our morality, today.

Cut me down, stripping my pride, my flesh from me.

I ask the Universe, “Is there a place where people live in unity?”

Can we not work a little closer to bridge inequality?

Is it possible to consume less, reuse more and responsibly manage waste?

If we spent the same on economic development and social equality, as we do on war, we’d rise to a Utopian society within a few decades.

We could radically reduce our impact on Nature while efficiently preserving the unobstructed space necessary for perpetual balance on this planet.

Consider that we are also a budding space age society where civilian space travel is in our midst.

We’re meant to be expansive and grow.

Here, is where we were born, but the galaxies are meant to be explored–a race will travel among the stars and our origins will be but a glimmer amongst millions each cold, dark night we peer back at you.

Transcendental Fantasy. {Adult}


“How did we get here?”, he wondered.

Dreaming that he might find her in his arms someday.

Yet, here she is—pressed firmly against his body.

Her hair smells like spring wildflowers in bloom and feels silky soft against his face as it brushes past.

His lips discreetly trace her thin neck and sharp jaw line.

Shivering from his warm breath, he seduces her senses.

Teasing her ear for a while before planting a light kiss on her cheek and finally meeting her lips.

Tongues dancing.

Moaning softly, eyes closed, she pulls him closer–her pulse quickens and the heat intensifies.

He can feel the ethereal smoke rising from the eternal flame fanning within.

Elemental energy and cosmic love streaming through them–amplifying every cell in their bodies until they quake.

Sighing, her eyes search for his—they meet and their souls merge in unison; breath escaping their lungs.

Convulsing shock waves of luminary essence overwhelm them.

She runs her hand through his hair and claws at him while slowly, subtly, seductively giving herself to him.

Heavy breathing ensues as this sensual dance escalates in quiet, visceral harmony.

Sexual choreography, written and performed in the moment.

As if reading her mind, his lips travel downward—kissing her exquisite curves.

Despite the magnetic attraction of two physical bodies yielding to one another, a deeper bond permeates.

That of two conscious, sentient beings who no longer lust over sex for gratification, but instead thirst for that spiritual explosion of ecstasy it generates.

Lucid—no longer sure they’re awake or dreaming.

The unison of sexual energy thrusting upward, spiraling through each vessel, mingling with infinite love as it passes swiftly downward from the cosmos.

A ceremonial dance that is central to life and giving—letting go and transcending attachment.

Lifting one another to heightened states of bliss and awareness—intense sensations of sheer magnitude and liberating expression.

Their bodies gyrate, push, pull and twist as lips, hands and extremities meet, caress and tease.

A spell is cast over these two souls as they vulnerably navigate the other with hearts fully open and exposed.

Whirlwinds of tidal energy surging—polarities uniting.

Gateways of expansion bursting open.

Tenderly massaging her breasts while kissing, licking and sucking on her nipples.

Tempting him to his knees, she stands over him and directs his gaze to her belly and nether region.

Squeezing her firm, voluptuous ass while making her body pulsate as his lips travel downward—surprising each of her sensitive folds.

Delicate gestures of enticing foreplay as he ever so slowly navigates each thigh, kisses flirting both inside and out—her legs tremor excitedly.

Gripping his hair and struggling for control over her urges, he continues to fancy her sweet majesty.

Her vagina throbs as he presses gently against it with his wet lips.

Asking with a sway of her hips, she guides his tongue to one particular spot to play.

Intoxicated by her juices and her pheromonal scent, he obeys.

Whispering delight, evidenced by her quivering body, he continues to kiss and prod gently.

Stroking, sucking and quenching his own desire to please her.

Warrior spirits, finally lowering their shields and arms, a spiritual embrace ensues.

Entrance into her sweet, perfection.

Moist, subtly shocking and hypnotic.

Stares eluding the strength to resist this unbridled magic.

Acting as a bridge for intense love to birth itself, here and now.

A super nova bursting forth in some faraway galaxy.

This momentary act shatters time. Life for a moment, stands still.

Convulsing from his throbbing member…

Erupting with deep, sensual delight and magnificent pleasure—her enticing orgasms leave her completely surrendered and short of breath.

The animal within him wakes from its slumber, thus awakening hers.

Begging for his seed, mesmerized by his limber maleness, she faintly captivates him with her moist, warm splendor.

Suctioned to his yearning for release, motioning him to sow his seed inside her; tantalizing him with her beauty and deep, penetrating stare—giving way and finally succumbing to her enticing pull.

Melting into her, he groans, pulsates and quivers.

Whether this was wrong or right, it was beyond imaginable as they arrive fully into their present senses and higher states of universal appeal—pure, unadulterated love and unconscious-awakening.

Dazed and glowing, yet revitalized, they wake—two souls who’ve never met or may never will.

Nonetheless, this mysterious play satiates the thirst of these lonely souls wandering through waking and dreaming life, longing for their sultry love-making partner unlike any other mate.

Navigating life in hopes that a fateful, mysterious and soul-expanding moment in time will eventually present itself—two souls stripped of their identities.

Expansive, wild natures and primal urges fulfilled—quenched for a time.

Palates satisfied for now—hidden desires realized.

Drawn to one another by this sheer, unseen force—temptations released and tempered in a white-hot flame of passionate pursuit.

Love ultimately prevailing—fantasy becoming reality.

Soul mates colliding.

Archetypal parables meeting—the symbol and act of creation mirroring the splendid nature of sex.





Steering Into the Unknown.

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When I am doing what aligns with being practical, I find myself dreaming aloft each day while I work to meet my needs and some wants.

Longing for that time outside, in the woods spending more moments with Nature.

Priorities have either held me away from these experiences or what little time off I’ve had was often reserved for rest and recovery—mental, emotional and physical recuperation.

There are times when I’m not working 40 or more hours a week and have plenty of freedom to explore, yet fear grips me and I retreat into the security of shelter and comfort.

Ambitious enough to travel outdoors each day, but not adventurous enough to say, “F*ck it” and just go be for a while—an extended absence from daily life.

The illusion of scarcity I suppose might ward off my urge to live spontaneously and let go of not knowing what’s next or where money will arrive from.

In the past, I’ve compromised on ensuring my needs could be met on a regular basis—that I could trust in relying on my well-paying job to satisfy my desires and happiness in life.

Wanderlust has visited on many occasions.

What holds me back, I wonder?

Fear and anxiousness of letting go of the choke hold I have over my identity and where I fit into society vs. leading a life of obscurity for a time.

Documenting my journey with pen and paper, lens and mirror.

Maybe I’m a storyteller, a traveler.

Nomadic in nature and lusting over the unknown.

A mysterious lifestyle, understood by few—except maybe mystics, wanderers, seekers and shamans; artists, musicians and entrepreneurs.

Will I look back on my life and smile, reminiscing on how interesting it’s been or will I regret steering back into fear?

The point to me, is to discover that connection I have with Creator.

Or at least, realize its eternal presence and that I am but an integral part of all that is.

Compromise results in overall despair, unfortunately (speaking for myself).

I see the lessons I’ve so gratefully learned amidst the passage through my own perceived shadow world.

I’m aware of the things I’ve been able to do because of a steady income.

Yet, something has continually gnawed away at my consciousness—that I wasn’t leading the life my potential was seeking.

Every time I’ve compromised, I’ve grown a little more mature and wise.

But, the looming sorrow of starving an important aspect of myself from seeking its well-deserved expression has been nagging at me my entire adult life.

Learning to foster my lighter and darker sides mutually.

There’s a way for these two polarities to dance in unison and to help create a reality that suits us—no matter how abstract or unrealistic it may seem.

There’s a saying, “Fortune favors the bold”.

Fair warning: I’ve fallen down too many times to count. I’ve lost much and gained little and vice versa. There’s no guarantee that our treasure map will lead us to our treasure.

One sure way of never proclaiming our power, is choosing not to act.

Ignoring our fate or destiny and cozying up instead, to a mundane prison sentence of a life.

There is a relationship I wish to have and it beckons me home.

A rites of passage will reveal a gateway when the time for me to choose arrives.

Until then, I quest.

Fatal Comparisons


Something that floats through my mind on occasion is the reflection of my life compared to others.

Learning to overcome the suffering attached to comparing my life with others helps me maintain focus on the essence of my own – the one I’m directing.

Every moment is truly wonderful, despite my inability to always realize that.

Because I am considering a very radical shift from social norm, I’m admittedly anxious about what’s to come.

A 180 degree shift from participating within society to completely separating myself from it.

This vision quest has been calling to my spirit for quite some time.

There have been fleeting moments when I’ve been able to experience the profound transformation that accompanies such a mission.

I’m sure my sanity will be called into question, once this has traveled full-circle and the story is re-told. There’s simply no telling how this will unfold without that first-hand knowledge and wisdom gained.

In addition to fasting, I will be isolating myself within the interior of a nearby national forest area without virtually any modern day amenities that we typically take for granted.

The technology that I’ll bring with me includes a generous backpacking setup and some camera/writing equipment to document the experience.

An undertaking like this requires weeks of advance mental training to prepare for adverse conditions, boredom, danger and fear.

March is early spring here and there’s still quite a bit of snow in the mountains.

Wildlife flourishes here, including black bears and mountain lions. We’ve even received a recent report of a wolf in our region. These are all my brethren and it’s my wish to communicate on some level with the deer, elk and other wild creatures surrounding me.

My hopes are that some south-facing slopes are bare and that a specific nearby creek is flowing. I’ve never spent longer than five days in the field while fasting and my goal is to spend three weeks afield this time.

Why am I doing this?

The goal is to produce a collaboration of experiential thoughts, insights and footage for a short-film that might help others with their spiritual awakening. A lucid, waking experience of what it’s like to reminisce with Nature for awhile – to peer into Her soul and listen to Her whispers.

Addiction and mental challenges have pervaded my life and so it is also of primary importance that I rid myself of some of these vices during this time – a testament to truly overcoming such adversities.

It’s physiologically feasible, to cure one’s self of certain addictions or traumas through fasting periods.

Sometimes an explorer must simply transcend conventional wisdom if they are to ever discover what lies beyond, what has possibly been lost or hidden for some time or to simply satiate their soul’s hunger with adventure.

A chance at redefining how to view and live life absent limitation.

Time will tell how this plays out and a willingness to venture into the mystery is our higher self encouraging us to grow.


Shedding Layers of Identity for a Richer Life

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It’s impossible for me to imagine being able to make some of the bold, insecure and risky choices that I do, had I not liberated myself of so many layers of ego first.

Not many of my choices have led me away from hardship or financial pitfalls. It hasn’t always been pretty, transitioning from one mode of life to another. There have been dire consequences to some of the decisions I’ve ultimately made.

Creating an interesting life is nothing short of unrealistic and seemingly impossible to achieve. Dreaming of being in the field with my camera, storytelling and enjoying more leisure for example, vs. the dreaded 9-5 routine and spectator’s demise. Toiling over what we’re passionate about, instead of spending the exact same energy on what otherwise devastates our spirit.

Compromising on security and getting caught up in the dangerous game of comparing my life to others – or how I believe it should look vs. how it actually is. There’s an endless number of layers for us to shed along this painfully exquisite journey. Learning to do so with as much grace and ease helps us get through the trials while learning to find space for happiness and opportunity in more situations.

A little humor about how seriously we take so much, when most of the time our crises are merely speed bumps. Obstacles for us to pay attention to, yet figure out how to maneuver around without causing too much distress or decay to our forward progress.

This life I speak of is written by ourselves and becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy. If and when things go unexpectedly or take a sudden turn, we learn to go with the flow and allow the current to sweep us through this period, rather than resisting what the Universe is teaching us.

There are so many times when life has been less than ideal, while struggling with letting go of past and fear. Only speaking for myself, I’ve formed identities around differing environments, demonstrating different aspects of myself to different people.

A personal, public and professional demeanor that I still revert to. Is my persona authentic? Am I deceiving myself and attempting to fool others into believing my current lie – the excuses I make and act out that ultimately sidetrack my success?

It’s hard to accept all aspects of myself, when I know how traumatic it was to be persecuted for so long. Despite my own demons, addictions and handicaps, I find something within me that is more enlightened than despairing. A subtle voice that whispers – encouraging me to entertain my passions; my pursuit.

An underlying purpose that I am being guided to accept as my calling. We can dance around our destiny for however long we wish but eventually, we turn back into it and pick up where we last left off. There’s no answer to how long it will take us to realize the source of our abundance and prosperity – whatever that equates to for each individual.

Can I have what I want, can I earn a constructive living and do I have to suffer needlessly to have it? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve already suffered when I shouldn’t have. I know what it feels like to have a constructive lifestyle – not perfect, but comforting for the most part. Obtaining what I really want happens when I’m meant to receive it and sometimes, what I get is not always what I wanted but what I needed instead.

Is this life more about working and sleeping two thirds of my life away to maintain material comfort – largely wasting away the last third due to exhaustion and lack of motivation, or is it more about personal soul growth, healing and liberation?

I’d like to reflect on my life, not just on my death-bed, but every day to determine whether I’m adding real value to or taking precious moments away from myself and my well being.

In the past, I’ve resorted to compromise and doing what’s practical – toiling for a mediocre life that keeps me fed, sheltered and protected but conversely establishes a nagging void, that I’m letting life pass me by. To contradict myself, my tendency might be to work too much and play catch up when I have free time or work too little and let all of that free time pass me by – largely out of fear in both cases.

What necessary sacrifices need to be made before we can realize our potentials and gifts? Unfortunately, I do not possess the answers to your path – only insights. I can imagine my own however, and I can choose whether I’m willing to see it through or simply let it pass me by. Your path, your direction and the answers you seek will only happen once you’ve accepted your mission and have set out to accomplish whatever ambitions you’ve fostered.   

I imagine a life where I’m compensated for my writing, videography and coaching – in addition to whatever my entrepreneurial spirit wishes me to explore. My job is to create this lifestyle. Sidelining life by ensuring I’m safe, sheltered and overall secure may or may not get me the vision I’m seeking.

What are you willing to let go of? Which illusory layers of identity are no longer serving you? Are you filling the space in your life with authenticity or a facade?