Wearing the Mask of Fear

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There are inevitably times in our lives where uncertainties rise and we suddenly find ourselves precariously vulnerable to the unknown.

In the past, fear has largely dictated my response and thus, I’ve found myself repeating eerily similar patterns – resulting in marginal satisfaction.

I cannot stress enough, the severity of running from our life’s purpose and the important lessons that we alone are meant to overcome. Life-long programming has time and time again, led me astray – trusting the path that others have laid before me; their beckoning, my weakness.

Empathy is a profoundly misunderstood attribute of human beings.

Again, the inability to say, “No” and to simply agree with other people’s insights into what is best for me has led to immense suffering and dissatisfaction. Parents, friends, partners, institutions, etc. – all binders whose “best intentions” have served as a detriment to my well being.

“To be clear, I can only speak on my own life experience and what I’ve gained from it – my perspective glance coming from a detached viewpoint as helpful insights to learning from my karmic lessons. I’m placing no blame on anyone and take responsibility for how my life has played out.”

Repression from allowing our inner expression to reveal itself openly has largely constricted my individual soul growth. An entire decade has passed, since I walked away from routine mental abuse and still to this day, face its clutches.

The more aware we become, the more denial we shed.

How our mind can allow so much pain, sorrow and guilt or grief to inhibit us is both a hopeless and miraculous phenomena. There are times when I can be inexplicably happy for days and weeks before overwhelming despair suddenly befalling me.

Being empathetic is like taking a dose of everyone’s life that you encounter – a whirlwind of confusion and mismatched emotional patterns that can be untimely for such a sensitive person.

Accepting who and what I am over and over is what’s required of me to overcome mind and fear.

Sobriety is the choice to face reality, absent the many buffers and attachments we have – affecting every level of our nature. I’ve felt my greatness in the past and chose to shy away from it – out of fear. Instead, I basked in the numbness of alcohol, poor dietary habits and marijuana – even cigarettes.

I knew, I was holding myself back.

Surrendering to a ‘comfort’ substance – fasting from it long enough to differentiate between when I’m identifying with it vs. identifying with my higher self perspective has been a test of true strength and commitment to leading a simpler, more purposeful life, now.

Addiction is always an escape from something we are unwilling to face about ourselves and accepting our rites of passage. There is a source from which every habit, compulsion or addiction stems. We can alleviate this through intensive healing and forgiveness. Not originating someplace outside ourselves, but from within.

Recognition of our body-complex and how it can be utilized to better serve others in a way that has been bestowed upon us to freely and innately express helps us identify clearly with beneficial states of health.

Being sober does not liberate us in any way, nor does it define us either.

The truth is, truly sobering and can at first seem dull in appearance. Molting a residual layer of identity to reveal a fresh perspective can be a temperamental experience. Vulnerability heightened and a pain-filled, yet open heart exposed is where we transcend beyond illusory confinement.

We’ve merely chosen to accept more responsibility into our life experience as a way to shine more light within and around us. A moral path to greater understanding and commitment to more than just ourselves. Freedom [from attachment] to co-create in alignment with our higher calling.

Constant attunement with our higher, innately-feeling nature promotes its expression in one’s self and from encouraging others.

Detachment from material possessions and the incessant need to spend or seek validation for our existence and worth. Addiction comes in many faces, shapes and forms. Nothing but time has offered allowance of my actions to reveal a road map – where I’m headed and where I’ve been. The present moment serving as an indicator of what’s to come and determine whether history will repeat itself.

We cannot know suffering, until we’ve risen from it.

To be clear, this is the path less chosen – not for the faint of heart to embrace. No different than suicide, addiction is the path of non-resistance to our darkest depths of destruction and leaves a terrible wake for many generations to pass. It’s been so easy, to be enraged by those who persist – their destructive habits affecting others around them; even from great distances apart.

Alas, it is I who is standing in judgement and ridicule of no other than myself.

More challenging than sobriety itself, has been forgiving myself for my actions and negligence while under the influence of some habit or addiction. The people we influence greatly in subtle, yet insidious ways. The toxic nature of addiction can be suffocating and to persevere long enough that we are for a time, released by it and nurturing ourselves more soundly is worth the journey.

My anger ebbs and flows – ultimately, I’m always faced with the acceptance of who I am, when presented with reflections of others within myself and greater awareness of who or more precisely, what I am [or what we are]. In the end, it’s me who requires change – acceptance of myself, choosing to act appropriately and bowing to grace as I do what’s best for my highest self.

Forgiveness heals.

Despite the outward appearance, I see suffering amongst those who have more than plenty in their lives – more suffrage than the homeless beggar. It’s our selfish pride that blinds us and perpetuates barriers to our humanity. With sacrifice comes great humility and virtue. Weaknesses can become new strengths while old habits die.

So little fear truly exists, yet neither does time – how much of that space we choose to propagate fear or how present and attentive we remain determines that inner, overall wealth that is inherently ours to take with us when we go.

 

 

Selfies

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“Look at me!”

Ah, the silent scream of, “I need your attention, please!” – the pleading voices of so many faces I see in the digital and outer world. A sophisticated network of communication that leaves two people sitting down at dinner feeling lonelier, having lost themselves and are now eagerly seeking elsewhere [for attention].

Attention, validation, social integration, etc. We need interpersonal relationships in order to survive as an empathetic species – in tune with our natural world, the world that is right around us.

Imagine communication at long distances, no longer possible – no means of connecting. Now imagine who you’re around on a daily basis and who you could invite into your life. There are people all around us every day, yet more than ever, we’re seeing the mass starvation of genuine interpersonal communication.

The face of narcissism is prevalent everywhere in society.

I’m realizing now, in this moment how important it is to recognize my own inner, narcissist. What is a narcissist? Someone generally, with low self esteem and who seeks attention from others for validation (or rank) and purpose for their existence. Because one is devoid of emotional stimulus, they are physiologically attracted to empathetic people – of who’s energy they naturally siphon.

To point at the narcissist in disdain, we’re objecting to an aspect of our own nature and therefore resisting the lesson we can learn from our reflection:

To become aware of the nature around our exchanges of energy.

Simple boundaries (like saying, “No.”) and sometimes a ‘fight’ response will allow us to calmly stand our ground and transmute ugly energies without directly involving ourselves in their drama.

Breathe, slowly and consciously for as long as necessary to circumvent hostile energy. Look, I’ve played the role of narcissist and have been played by narcissists as well – both male and female, within a wide age demographic.

“Ho’oponopono – I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.”

I recently read an article about a mental health professional who turned the mental state of his ward of patients around through practicing self-forgiveness first. Practicing a broader understanding of these patient’s needs, he was able to transmute their mental disorders without the use of prescription drugs.

Remember, we can be more attentive to our personal needs and find that inner peace once we simply allow it – through surrender. It’s amazing that we can share so much of our lives socially now and I’m thankful because we can. I’ve also learned that the healthiest interpersonal connections take place in the flesh.

I will often shy away from people to offer myself a period of interlude. This way, I can be my highest self when in the presence of others. Space alone lets our broader nature breathe, absent distraction or restriction. This time of introspection, offers insights into our lives and states of overall health.

So what’s the underlying cause of this “Selfie” phenomena? More love, we need more love on the interpersonal level. Sometimes, disconnecting is important so that we can more fully offer our attention to someone else.

Standing Out.

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“Mind your mind.”

There is a deep uprooting of beliefs, necessary for constructing new pathways in one’s life.

Awakening each day, to our enlivened senses and to admire or squander each moment at our own bidding. Around every bend, there are people willing to shape our life for us.

An unhealthy, ultimately debilitating habit of mine over the years has been my inability to say, “No.” For the dreamer, the wanderer and passionate spirit, we are tempted with exploration, mystery and inventiveness.

A willingness to set sail and venture forth, away from monotony. Alas, no matter where we land, we inevitably re-discover a ‘routine’ lifestyle awaiting us.

What is the mind taking with us on these trips—these new destinations?

Are we being led by our intuition—our heart’s fulfillment or our mind and ego? Does karma play a role in the behavioral patterns that ultimately project our lives? I’m beginning to recognize (or have for quite some time now) that we’re being offered lessons from which we can learn from and grow, or repeat until we’ve transcended the experience(s).

Why, I wonder, does the Universe camouflage the wiser of two choices while enticing us to accept the latter? Sometimes, the obvious would appear to be the proper choice to make, but in my experience, often times group consensus or simply, the decision-making by another (or others) has led me down a path not intended for my individual-soul’s sake.

I’ve learned that we have two directions to choose from at any given moment. A path that lends to us, more time or a path that offers us more money. I believe there’s a coefficient of time and money that can balance a person’s lifestyle so that neither too much or too little distortion occurs—ensuring that one’s quality of life is healthy.

Beware of timing, and how impeccable karma is, when life repeats itself. For those who become more aware of their behaviors, the underlying purpose of a lesson re-visiting, is to help you. Rather than a singular, destined pathway for someone’s initiation, there are many, I believe.

The notion that our wealth is external, is something I must remind myself of often. Questioning, “Am I behaving as my authentic self?” or, “Is my life stagnating?” Is fear (sought in security), overwhelming our urge to soar and allow the expansion of our individual expression to reveal itself?

Wealth is born from within.

Seeking, for our ego’s satisfaction and disappointment, is a sign that we have strayed away from the source—our wellspring. We’ve become attached to our outer world. We accept that external compromise delivers our worth and well-being. We begin ignoring that inner voice—a stillness that is felt on a deep, subtle level.

It’s our dependence on a mechanized system that is devoid of real emotion—manufactured happiness and endless pursuits, promising fulfillment. Some of us are meant to turn our backs on this ideal and evaluate what madness really is. Whether our own preferences are valid, or if we’d be shunned for speaking openly about them.

Our gifts are often times, hiding in plain sight.

Sometimes I ask myself, “What can I do with my gifts that are beneficial to others, yet still rewarding to me as well?” It seems so obvious to me now, but working with my hands has always come naturally, along with my communication skills. However, my voice has largely remained silenced, for fear of persecution.

Silenced by none other than my own illusory beliefs, reinforced with fear. Turning inward, toward our fears and surrendering all attachment to them will transmute the lesson, or karma—expanding our insights. If I resign to things remaining as they are, or have been chosen for me, I’m no longer free to imagine what my inner eye reveals.

My empathy has often been my vice. Apathy and powerlessness have often left me spiritually drained. By learning to say, “No.” to others and gracing myself with humility, I’ve learned that I can endure struggle, that I am ultimately stronger for it, and because of this, new opportunities are born.

Practicing hindsight will help us understand where our lessons lie—opportunities for soul growth.

Oh, how I’ve resisted many—oh, how they’ve always returned.

One almost has to defeat themselves, so that nothing remains shielded from the truth. Again, surrender is the only way that we can overcome even the most severe, life experiences.

It’s in the lion’s den of our hearts, where we’ll find liberation and peace.

“Slow and steady wins the race.” There will be setbacks. There will be times of exquisite pleasure. Others will be trodden with loneliness, sadness or guilt. Everything is fluid, including our darkest moments—only lasting as long as we allow them to pervade our attention.

Let your struggle be—let it shape you, so your inner strengths can be revealed.

Bridging the Divide.

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Let your soul’s roots intertwine.

Allow a cosmic dance to spiral downward from each crown, in an orchestra of light plunging toward the origin of Earth.

Light ruptures our spirit’s shells, dividing and splitting us into two.

Feel her thoughts—her rhythm. Allow your heart to listen and to hear its whispers reverberate her song.

The twinkle in her eye, a smile that pierces armor. Not a man, who can see her, defies his vulnerability to bow in admiration.

Worlds apart, yet mysteriously woven—two lover’s intimate bond.

Let it be, for what stand as obstacles, are but shattered illusions of mind—silence be the only decay. It would be tragic, if two mate’s collision be kept from a miserly fear that a dream can come true.

Time unlocks the passage to navigate a labyrinth—if two soul’s shall unite. Both must stop questioning what bursts from their core—we are but vessels for such sensual passion to explore its contemporary.

Scream her name through the ethereal never-world. Like a birdsong, your heart-strings strum a tune only she can hear. Let it be known that a man is capable of feeling, listening and being strong too. Albeit masculine strength is not in its entirety, physical.

Our true nature is to love and endure the endless battles, waged in mind and fought in spirit. No war is won by none other than utter surrender. No valley can contain the flood gate of thine potential—cascading from the heart’s Artesian well.

No demonstration or tactic will win her fatal attraction more so than his admission of humility in her presence. Can he speak more words than fill the endless hallways of libraries? – Yes. A wiser man understands her silence and patiently listens for his guidance to speak from within.

Stop making sense of your life, long enough for the ladder work of thy Creator’s love to descend from the cosmos, down through your light column—trickling onto the shadowy realms of our primal nature.

Two polarities masquerading around the proverbial fire under a blanket of darkness and bathing of stars, in an eternal, ceremonial celebration around our mother’s womb—the chi within her Sacral belly.

Let your spirit animals mingle in an instinctual renaissance of chase. Observe the intricate web that instills and reinforces your place here—purpose and procreation becoming clear.

Catch her tears and bless her struggles with your compassion—never tethering her wings. Open yourself to her, unguarded and protect the space surrounding her inner expansion.

 

Day of the Rising “Sun.”

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And on the Third Day, the “Sun” was Resurrected.

Merry Christmas.

Bless this day.

Not because it’s Christmas day,

but because of who we were yesterday

battling our own,

inner hostilities.

Even in defeat,

surrender reigns victorious.

Upon awakening,

remember,

what’s worth waking to.

It’s the simple things,

we appreciate.

Once we stop,

listen,

and open up.

Like when we were kids,

the way we used to.

Tap Root.

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In times of major generational leaps, such as the Great Depression—families remained intact.

When more than will alone calls upon us to dig down to our roots, the very essence of what we are—we’re bathed in His glory.

We are never banished from our savior. Not He, but thy.

When we have nothing, we can recognize what’s truly inherent—our humanity. It does not require intelligence, education or skill to be fully human and to express that child-like love that is our own divine birthright to give and to receive.

 

Quantum Fluid.

pexels-photo-mediumIf you can imagine,

a quantum field.

A super fluid,

suspending all visible nature in our known Universe.

Astrology is profoundly insightful,

in the sense that we’re literally,

at tug-of-war with our neighboring planets.

We know the moon affects our tides.

We must realize,

the nature of our brethren planets,

and when it’s appropriate to move,

in which directions.

So our souls can grow,

sifting through time,

in a labyrinth of divine intelligence.